Turtle porn

A guy bad at sex

Mickey: " how is Tyler's dick game?"

Heaven:"It's like turtle porn, slow and boring"

Soapy Turtle

The first bowel movement taken after being the recipient of anal sex that resulted in anal climax

I went though half a roll of toilet paper after that soapy turtle.

feared the turtle

Fear the Turtle is what a woman experiences when she realizes halfway through vaginal intercourse that her bowels are full and her enjoyment of the sex has been superseded by her fear of crapping the bed.

Sue had to ask Drew to stop fucking her because she feared the turtle. She got on the can for a minute, then hopped back in bed, and no longer feared the turtle.

Jon's Turtle

Jon's everything. Mom, dad, sister, dog, best friend, EVERYTHING. Not to be confused with Jon's tortoise

Person: "Hey Jon, how's your Jon's turtle"
Jon: "o_o"

Turtle Parade

A non trivial sized line of men at Bathroom or Portable toilet that seemingly all need to poop urgently

I was at the football game and there was a massive Turtle Parade because there was only 1 porta jon.

Turtle toes

Turtle toes are just like idk turtle tors

“Bro your absolute turtle toes”

Turtles Peaking

When You Go to Take a Poop, But then It hangs There, You try to take a Deep breath and Squeeze it out, But it just goes Right back up your Butt hole.

I had to take a Dump, I Tried to make it quick, But it stayed then it went back in. - Sounds to me you have Turtle's Peaking.

Turtles Peaking a Terd hanging out that goes back inside your Anus.