breakwell

A Breakwell is the means by which one is famously remunerated for 'outstanding services' as a University vice-chancellor in a 'globally competitive environment' otherwise known as the murky world of senior pay in British Universities.

A Breakwell is always associated with having 'served the university to the best of my ability' and, frequently, with prestigious titles and awards.

Typically, a Breakwell is calculated according to a complex mathematical formula and set by the University Remuneration Committee:

(53.3 x 9000 {standard annual University Undergraduate fee}) + Tax Free Car Loan {Written Off} + Free Flat + Housekeeping

The minimum Brakewell number is 499,000 and the Unit of Measurement is Pounds Sterling (£).

A Breakwell is often associated with 'stepping down from the position' after a motion of no-confidence and, then, continuing to trouser a marginally reduced Breakwell whilst undertaking a sabbatical, otherwise known as a 'lame duck'..

Andy: Hey Josh, what are your plans after leaving Uni?
Josh: I'm going to get myself a Brakewell job, clear my student loan and piss on the lot of you.

Dame Prof Glynis Breakwell: Now, on the subject of my own remuneration. I shall step out of the room, for a moment, whilst the remainder of you consider it.
Remuneration Committee: See you in a minute Prof.

Baron Andrew Adonis (Former Education Minister): The 3.9% increase in the Breakewell is shameless and outrageous. She has got to resign now. Her behaviour is outrageous and Bath University needs new, untainted leadership

University spokesperson: It is right that the university pays the Breakwell required to recruit and retain individuals with the skills and experience to ensure the continued success of the university and its excellence in teaching and research.

A doctor writes: She is paid too much. Nobody needs that kind of Breakwell.

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