Coinbase

Theory - an online cryptocurrency exchange that allows you to exchange fiat for cryptos such as bitcoin, ethereum, litecoin.

Reality - thieving bandits that switch site access on and off as when they please, no customer support, raping people for margin and stealing their assets (see eth flashcrash of June 2016). Treating their customers like pieces of sh**, transactions pending for weeks on end, locked out of accounts for no reason, funds mysteriously disappearing, IMPOSSIBLE to log in when there is any volatility

Oh look, ETH just dropped 0.0000001%, now would be a good time to buy... let me log in to my coinbase account anddd....

COINBASE:

"Service Unavailable"

Coinbase is currently down for maintenance. Please try again later or see our status page for more information.

"Fuck you coinbase"

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Coinbase Noob

An amateur crypto trader who acts like he knows a lot about cryptocurrencies and NFTs, but in reality, they don't know shit and only buy tokens listed on Coinbase.

Coinbase noobs also do not have a cold wallet and are typically the victims of crypto scams and do not know the meaning of certain crypto terms including blockchain, Defi, Gas, and others.

Mani: Hey man, this crypto that's listed on CoinBase, it's going to the moon!

Timothy: Dude, Mani is such a Coinbase Noob.
Jerome: Fo'real

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coinbased

Same definition as the term "based", but when it has direct relation or inference of the cryptocurrency trading platform, Coinbase or Coinbase Pro.

Trader 1: "I heard the CEO of Coinbase actually own up to a mistake they made and turned things around rather rapidly"
Trader 2: Yeah he's actually pretty Coinbased if you ask me.