Crying Baby Syndrome

Noun \ˈkrī-iŋ ˈbā-bē ˈsin-ˌdrōm also -drəm\

Severe medical condition in which symptoms that would normally leave a reasonable person unfazed distress the affected patient to a remarkable degree. Often typified by symptoms that don’t make sense together and/or change or intensify with each round of questioning or when another healthcare provider enters the room. CBS is generally treated with a prescription-strength straw (to suck it up) and/ or a double dose of M.T.F.U. (man the f^@# up ).

Medic/Nurse: “Welcome to the Emergency Department. How can I help you?”

Random Whiner “Yeah… um I have a really bad paper cut on my finger. And my left eye is very itchy. Oh, and I think I pulled my spleen. It hurts. A lot. But not as bad as the paper cut. I am most definitely dying.”

Medic/Nurse: “Okay then. One moment,” *turns to Doc* “Looks like another case of Crying Baby Syndrome. We’re going to run out of straws at this rate!”