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When all your friends think they're too cool for you and leave you.
(Talking to self): Joe and Bob decided I am so bad at making jokes that i'm not good enough so I have no friends.
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An "I have this friend" story, is a story where someone asks for advice about a problem that's really about them, but they're too embarrassed to say so. They're similar to "I know this guy" stories where one person thinks up something funny, cool, gross, weird, or sexy, but essentially untrue, and tries to pass it off as true by framing it as if it happened to someone they supposedly know. "I have this friend" stories are about seeking advice about an embarrassing problem however, not about entertainment.
Janet: "I need your opinion about something."
Mary: "What's up?"
Janet: "Well, I have this friend... She's thinking about cheating on her boyfriend with an old flame who called her up last week. She's not sure what she should do about it."
Mary: "Oh my God, Janet! Chris called you last week!?"
Janet: "It's not about me! It's a friend of mine!"
Mary: "Sure it is. Just make sure Tom doesn't find out."
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The greatest excuse that racists use to try to make it look like they're not racist.
Apparently having black friends negates any racist thing you say.
Person 1: Yeah, niggers are always stealing things and killing each other. Fuck those niggers!
Person 2: Dude...what's wrong with you?
Person 1: It's okay, I have black friends. I can say this.
Person 2: I don't think it works that way.
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How you know if a white person is racist or not
Ignorant black person: That was racist.
White person: It's ok, I have black friends.
Ignorant black person: My mistake. I didn't know.
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To be in the know, well-connected, or have access to criminal networks.
Can be interepreted as a threat, but more usually a point of pride.
This city is so tame and theres cops everywhere, I don't know what I'm going to do for bud. I'm on my last eigth - fuck!
Dont worry bro, I have black friends.
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