Jerk-Off Hands

When a male enters the room with obvious sented hand lotion following him around. You know he has just jerked off because men dont care about soft skin. Avoid hand shakes, high fives and games of red rover for at least 2 to 4 hours.

Bill: What smells like cucumber mellon?

Ted: I think Tim just rubbed one out.

Bill: Jerk-Off Hands

Tim: Anyone want a skittle? (extends palm full of delicious skittles)

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Jerking off with both hands

An expression for over-doing something, doing more work than is necessary to complete a task, or the general idea of using an ass-backwards method to achieve a relatively simple goal.

Yeah, well he's always jerking off with both hands.

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