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Jesus, The

A sexual position in which the male stands behind the female, firmly holds her wrists, penetrates her from behind, and lifts her up, using the motion of his hips to pull out and push in. Two women can use a strap-on dildo to accomplish this.

Extreme caution should be exercised to avoid unwanted anal penetration.

Both heterosexual and homosexual couples can use this for anal sex if they have adequately prepared for the experience and applied sufficient lubrication.

This position has little use other than for novelty or comedy value and should not be sprung upon your partner without advance warning.

Man: "Hey, want to try 'The Jesus' to spice up our sex life?"
Woman: "Sure, how does that go?"
Man: "Here, let me show you"
(Penetrates her, lifts here up, and begins humping with her feet several inches off the ground)
Woman: "Oh Jesus, I think you just dislocated both of my shoulders"

by GWBBQ March 2, 2005

15πŸ‘ 30πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

A nice Jewish boy who decided that being a carpenter just wouldn't be enough.

If only that Jesus boy could have just carried on his father's business instead of stirring up trouble and getting nailed to a cross...

by Thank Science It's Friday August 21, 2007

2837πŸ‘ 6687πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

the most famous zombie ever

romero only WISHES he could cast jesus in a movie

by Lily_of_Geeks October 13, 2009

2649πŸ‘ 6026πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

A pretty cool guy whose reputation has been run down by his horrible fan-club.

Used by the said fan-club as an excuse to do whatever they decide is β€œright.”

Dude: β€œHey! What the hell are you doing to my car???”
Other dude: β€œJesus’ will.”

by Shard March 1, 2005

17931πŸ‘ 19863πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

Jesus is a common male name for Hispanics. Jesus is the guy that will take your girl.

Aye Jesus isn't that Michaels girl??

by Bigdikboy March 13, 2017

3981πŸ‘ 7659πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

The immortal zombie carpenter who, if you ask him nicely through his telepathic powers, will grant your wishes. He is one third of an almighty being who was sent to earth to be killed mercilessly so that said almighty being could forgive us for something he made us do, something which, being almighty, shouldn't have been quite so troublesome in the first place. In addition to asking politely, some believe it is necessary to indulge in cannibalism, eating Jesus' flesh, to be forgiven and go to heaven. Physically, Jesus may have looked similar to Jim Morrison, although many would contend he was in fact black.

Friend: I'm going to go eat some of Jesus and ask him and his father not to send me to eternal damnation for something my great great great etc. grandparents did.

Me: Have fun at Mass!

by LordofAllPrepositionalPhrases November 26, 2008

471πŸ‘ 4841πŸ‘Ž


Jesus

Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).

Jesus:be nice to others.

by Jonjo January 16, 2005

39389πŸ‘ 39949πŸ‘Ž