Knob Conkers

Yorkshire-based trial of strength used for settling unresolved arguments, based on traditional Conkers game but with knob. Knob Conkers.
Combatants stand toe-to-toe with penis in hand.
Combatants take turns each to strike the penis of their combatant with as much force as possible. Last man standing wins.
A refusal results in automatic loss of argument.
An erection results in automatic expulsion from Yorkshire.

Carl: "..... I'm telling you, my wife's tits are far better than your Julie's plastic ones".
Wayne: "Bloody are not!"
Carl: "only 1 way to sort this out for good...I challenge you to Knob Conkers!"

Knob Conker

A rather unpleasant person, or someone you dislike. As offensive as dick head, without the obvious negative connotations

Often used when ones grandmother is present so as not to offend the geriatric wench.

The lads: great night out Saturday.
Rob: You didn't invite me out last week, you're a right knob conker!!