Meditasturbating

v. The act of masturbating, climaxing, and achieving Nirvana such that one goes into a state of meditative trance immediately afterward.

Jim: Why was Bob grounded?

Fred: His mom's a Mormon and they don't like it when you spill your seed.

Jim: But how did he get caught?

Fred: Well, he was Meditasturbating and forgot to clean the spooge...

Jim: Ohhhhhhhh

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Meditasturbation

A form of meditation, typically performed by men, whereby - with the best of intentions - they go to a quiet room in their home, close the door with their iphone and AirPods. This attempt at maximizing “alone time” often results in men becoming bored of meditation turning instead to masturbation.

When done in a zen-like environment and with a relaxed mindset, this becomes a variant of guided meditation, which often leaves the Meditasturbater feeling rejuvenated and ready to start his day with a total time investment typically being not more than 3 minutes.

Friend: Have you ever tried Meditasturbation?

Stole: all the time. In fact, I got busted Meditasturbating again in my kid’s room yesterday.