Pun

Wielded by anyone but a true master, a pun is the lowest form of humor. However, wielded by a master, a pun is the highest, purest form of humor possible by humans.

Puns are a dark art, much like necromancy. Raising the dead will get you killed. Raising a pun with your killer sense of humor will get you killed, making it a grave mistake, even if you were dead serious.

Puns can be categorized into the following:

One Liners

Micro-Liners:
Made in only a few words, these can only be wielded by true pun masters (Think word-within-a-word)

Epics:

This is the most evil form of pun magic. An epic is when someone finds a basic enough pun, then creates an incredibly detailed background for it, taking as much as hours to read, then ending it with the most basic one-liner or even micro-liner. The key to these is to find a pun that is the easiest to set up, then just drag it out as intricately as possible to create a story that feels like it will have an incredible ending, but ends with a three-word micro-liner.

Everything else:

This ranges from creative plays on words or just idiots

WARNING:
Practice puns with a friend who does not know how to commit murder, otherwise you will be brutally disemboweled. Until you can call yourself a true master, avoid using them in public. (Shameless plug: #puns and #pungrandmasters on Kik has a lot of pun-lovers, including me, the master, who will aid you in your dark humor quests without brutally murdering you... usually)

*cracks fingers*
I can't quit put my finger on what goes here. On the other hand, I might just be able to single-handedly do this job. Mashing on this keyboard reminds me of when I dated one a while back, but she wasn't my type. She was ugly enough to make a man screen. She turned my hard drive into a floppy disk fast. Do you C: what I did there? Start a conversation with me and there's no escape, no alternative exit, no end. I have 12 difference functions of pun insanity. I control everything. You can DOS all hope out of the Windows, to get hit by a BUS, and drown in water. "Water you talking about?" you say? What, did those slip right bayou? I'm tide of people not understanding my deep puns; Wave been over this many times before. This is hardly a current problem. How can I get anymore pacific with what I'm doing here? Islanded puns repeatedly. There's Flo stopping it now, you can be insured of that. Unlike others, my puns get progressively better, to the point where they're auto. I'll cripple you to a vegetable with these, I don't carrot all. You'll be artichoked to death, and buried. Try getting to the root of the problem now. These come in spades, you hoe, dig it? I'll shovel these puns down your throat, till you're infertile.

As for meta-puns, have you ever met a pun? My pun-chlines pun-ish pun-ks pun-ctually (overkill), do you punderstand? Don't punderestimate me. These'll sting more than accu-pun-cture and veni-pun-cture combined... etc etc etc etc..........

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Pun

A pun is a structured part of a speech that uses the context, word or sound from previously mentioned sentence/situation in order to get a stronger reaction from the intended audience, hoping not to be PUNished.

You really didn't see the pun there?

Pun

Play on words

"Did you know I used to be a banker?" Dal asked
"Why did you stop?" you reply
"I lost interest"
"Talk about a bad pun," you tell him while you shake your head. You began to walk away never never to look back.

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Pun

A pun is, quite simply, a play on words. There are many types, but in general, they all utilize one word that is relevant to the subject matter at hand, but is impractical in context. If formed correctly, a pun can be humorous, and can sometimes derail any given conversation in itself.

Puns are common comedic tools in literature, conversation, blogging, and all other sorts of digital and interpersonal communication. However, they are surprisingly complicated, and the concept of what comprises a pun can be confusing. Simple puns, such as humorous rhymes (i.e., *guy sees a woman get decapitated in a movie* "Geez, she didn't need to lose her head over that."), are not unfamiliar to the average speaker, and most of us have used them since our earliest years. Complex puns, such as the use of words in actual sentence structure (for example, *daughter gets her father an Icee slushie* "Icee what you did there!") require some degree of verbal and dictional proficiency.

Some guidelines:

1. It should be clearly relevant to the topic of discussion at hand, while being unnecessary (i.e, it certainly would not be the first thing you would use).

2. It should be fairly easy to recognize; puns often use elements of cliche and popular phrasing.

3. It should be timely. The goal is to be clever, not predictable.

A good way to understand how puns work is to ponder the place of irony in humorous context.

Brock (Pokemon): "It's raining! I guess I'll use my frying pan...as a drying pan!" *holds it over head to catch the rain*

Frank: "Hey Bob, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Bob: "Oh...hey, Frank. My dog passed away a little while ago. I found him lying under the table, struggling to breathe. The vet said he had a cardiac arrest."

Frank: "Oh, I'm sorry, man. It sounds like his last few minutes were a *heart ache*."

Bob: "God damnit, Frank, you're such an ass! Fuck you and your damn puns!"

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Pun

Witticism at its whittiest.

Pun:
There was a marine biologist, named Dr. Panglos, who loved dolphins. (When I say he loved dolphins though, I’m not talking about in any kind of “sick” way; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a serum that would make dolphins live forever!

Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realised that, in order to mass produce this serum, he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American myna bird. Carried away by his love for dolphins, however, he decided that he would go to the zoo and steal one of these birds.

As he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was escaping from its cage. The Lion’s name was Leo, which wasn’t too original of a name for a lion if you ask me, but it’s probably not important to the story. Anyway, the zoo keepers were alarmed and immediately began combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply lain down on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep since it was the Lion’s regular naptime anyway.

Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and stole his bird. He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he stepped absent mindedly over the sleeping lion on his way back to his car. Immediately, 15 policemen converged on him and arrested him for the crime of transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises

Pun

Dropping an unintentional pun at the worst time.
When your neighbours wife has an affair while he's at work. And he gets suspicious and decides to ask you:

"Have you seen any cars visit my house when I'm at work?"

Me- "sorry, I'd rather not get involved in your "affairs"....sorry pun unintended"

Pun

Play on words for comical relief

Pun:
"I'll play you a prostitune on my whoremonica."

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