Rachel Maddow

The result of a top secret, Russian DNA splicing experiment involving J.J. Abrams, Woody Allen, and Spock. Rachel Maddow was once considered for membership in the Avengers before Black Widow pointed out that smirking isn’t really a superpower.

Although the experiment was considered an overall success, Russian scientists still haven’t figured out why Rachel Maddow bursts into flames when exposed to sunlight or when she tries to wear anything other than a black pants suit. Although not confirmed, it’s been reported that Rachel Maddow sleeps while hanging upside-down in her closet and devours a bucket of pinky mice before going on the air. Her favorite hobby is eating tuna casserole out of a dog food bowl while watching Baywatch and her dream is to one day be the center segment in a human centipede with Ellen Degeneres and Hillary Clinton.

Be afraid of Rachel Maddow. Be VERY afraid.

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Rachel Maddow

1.) Political pundit on MSNBC

2.) Irrefutable proof that there is a God, and that God is a lesbian.

Rachel Maddow is the shit!

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