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What if I were to tell you there was a flying Spaghetti Monster in the sky?
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A horrible Italian boss/manager that makes you work during the Coronavirus pandemic
“Ah he still ah makes me work ah, fucking spaghetti monster”
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There was once an adolescent seagull called Hedgehog
Hedgehog was half elephant, half octopus. His mother was a tarantula who loved her daughter, Apricot the carrot. One day, she found apricot with a hedgehog inside her. She was furious to such a degree she turned into a leprechaun. To punish her carrot, the mother swallowed an egg that would make Apricot turn into a strawberry, the enemy of the octopi. After swallowing it, Hedgehog turned into a mushroom. His dad was extremely sad, so sad he died of laughing. In mourning, hedgehog killed himself and became the great god (astaghfirullah) Spaghetti Monster
My cousin turned into a Spaghetti Monster ever since her cunt died. Feel so bad for her.
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‘There was once a, adolescent seagull called Hedgehog
Hedgehog was half elephant, half octopus. His mother was a tarantula who loved her daughter, Apricot the carrot. One day, she found apricot with a hedgehog inside her. She was furious to such a degree she turned into a leprechaun. To punish her carrot, the mother swallowed an egg that would make Apricot turn into a strawberry, the enemy of the octopi. After swallowing it, Hedgehog turned into a mushroom. His dad was extremely sad, so sad he died of laughing. In mourning, hedgehog killed himself and became the great god (astaghfirullah) Spaghetti Monster’
Can't believe she had to turn into a Spaghetti Monster, poor chaperone enzyme...
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Italian codardo who has no understanding of the country he resides in. Sometimes codardo con la barba but he can be senza barba. Assume he’s from the south of Italy due to his incoherent linguistic skills and understanding of the world. Codardo.
Ciao spaghetti monster! Tu sei un codardo.
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The alleged deity of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) theory which was first publicly postulated in an open letter to the Kansas School Board during the debates on whether or not to introduce Intelligent Design in to the science curriculum. The FSM is theorized to manipulate observable data such as carbon dating results via 'His' Noodly Appendage. We are also taught that The FSM hates when its subjects do not dress as pirates. FSM followers claim that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s.
1) If Intelligent Design can be taught in schools as a scientific theory than so can Flying Spaghetti Monster theory.
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The ultimate lord and ruler of the universe, and the deity of the Pastafarian religion. He created the world using His Great Noodley Appendage.
No other monsters can be worshiped before Him (after is fine, just use protection).
The only Monster deserving of capitalization, other monsters are inferior to Him, unworthy of capitalization.
Even Christians have accepted that He has more balls than their god.
His first and most holy disciples were the pirates, who
(contrary to what the old age Christians would tell you) traveled the world and gave children candy.
Unfortunately, the number of pirates are shrinking, causing global warming and other natural disasters to rise.
Some places still have pirates, like Somalia, which has the lowest carbon emissions of any country, coincidence?
He, in His infinite wisdom, created the Eight "I'd really rather you didn't s", the holy tenets of the Pastafarian religion.
For example: "I'd really rather you didn't build multimillion-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to His Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent ending poverty, curing diseases, living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the cost of cable."
When one dies, they will be with Him in heaven, along with a Stripper factory and a Beer Volcano.
R'amen.
On the first day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster separated the water from the heavens; on the second, because He could not tread water for long and had grown tired of flying, He created the land—complemented by a beer volcano. Satisfied, the Flying Spaghetti Monster overindulged in beer from the beer volcano and woke up hungover. Between drunken nights and clumsy afternoons, the Flying Spaghetti Monster produced seas and land (for a second time, accidentally, because he forgot that he created it the day before) along with Heaven and a midget, which he named Man. Man and an equally short woman lived happily in the Olive Garden of Eden for some time until the Flying Spaghetti Monster caused a global flood in a cooking accident.
"If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back."-Bobby Henderson
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