Steal-a-Meal

Whereby people bring large ziploc bags to Buffets (examples: weddings, corporate events, complimentary hotel brunches, casinos) or Buffet Restaurants for the sole purpose of stuffing excess food into the bags and 'stealing' it. This is usually accomplished by overloading one's plate at the Buffet and then surreptitiously tipping the contents of the plate into the ziploc bag. The ziploc bags are usually concealed in: ladies' handbags, men's briefbags, empty laptop cases, overcoats, children's strollers etc.

So what are we going to hit off the buffet tonite?

I spy U-Peel Shrimp. Cream Cheese Bagels with Lox. Vienna Sausages. Mini Quiches. Brownie Bites.

Did you remember to bring the Steal-a-Meal Bags?

Never leave home without 'em!

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Mr. Steal Yo Meal

The friend or flatmate whose glistening fingers are always in your food.

Mr. Steal Yo Meal keeps very little in his own refrigerator. Eyewitness reports typically mention fuzzy half-eaten salads from Sweetgreen, cold lasagna, and the last slice in the packet of cold cuts. Though he is never seen preparing his own food, Mr. Steal Yo Meal is never hungry because in under a second, his arachnid-like digits can pilfer half a portion of fries and a pan full of pasta you were going to eat later.

1. "Your Honor, the defendant was caught smacking his lips despite having not cooked any dinner for himself. The defense rests."
2. "The Judge finds Mr. Steal Yo Meal guilty of Grand Theft Nuggets and sentences him to a trip to the grocery store on his own damn card."