The Polar Randolph

The sexual act of feeding your lazy wife a high fibrous diet, collecting and freezing her scat, then fashioning the loosely phallic shaped object into a ribbed dildo.
The higher the fibre content, the veinier and with more sweet corn the mamba will be.
The Jewish skin flute is then forced back into the wife’s butt when she’s asleep. Extra points are given if the fabled DVDA is successfully administered.

Randolph: Honestly doctor, I’m not sure how my comatose wife ended up with so many rectal polyps!
All I did was give her The Polar Randolph and she was fine for a while. I was administering some amyl nitrite up her wizard’s sleeve for a bit so she could butt chug. Yes! That’s it. It must’ve been that that caused all those colon lesions.
Doctor: Thankyou for that frankly horrendous explanation. Anyway, the waiting police officer would like a word with you!