Randip

The disgusting act of inserting the fist up to the elbow into the man’s anus slowly working its way up the colon, whilst simultaneously tossing his salad till completion.
The receiver doesn’t have to be awake, willing or even alive for that matter.

However partially conscious is preferred by those living in and around Woking (U.K.) as they have some fighting spirit and are just playing hard to get.
Bonus points are received for length of time in the colon and how much Truffle Butter can be churned

Eduardo thought his drink has been spiked and his suspicious were confirmed when he woke up in Slough Emergency ward with Berkshire’s best proctologist asking if the vicious Randip he recently received was entirely voluntarily.

Eduardo, or ‘Bubbles’ as he was called earlier in the night but a bearded turbaned stranger, just wanted to be left alone but the doctor insisted they put his colon back in before the nurse slipped on it.

salted his beard

The act of tricking innocent homeless men into ejaculating various bodily fluids into a fake beard worn by the assailants.
the Beard is then dried, removed and dipped into cooking pots at a later date to add a matured salty taste.
Extra points are given if the contributors have different venereal diseases and Connor can milk them to satisfaction without waking them. Although consciousness is optional but not encouraged.

Did you taste Connor’s goulash last Friday night?? Tasted like he’s been salted his beard again. Anyways. My doctor says this gonorrhea around my mouth should clear up if I keep taking these antibiotics. But these genital warts are here to stay.

The Polar Randolph

The sexual act of feeding your lazy wife a high fibrous diet, collecting and freezing her scat, then fashioning the loosely phallic shaped object into a ribbed dildo.
The higher the fibre content, the veinier and with more sweet corn the mamba will be.
The Jewish skin flute is then forced back into the wife’s butt when she’s asleep. Extra points are given if the fabled DVDA is successfully administered.

Randolph: Honestly doctor, I’m not sure how my comatose wife ended up with so many rectal polyps!
All I did was give her The Polar Randolph and she was fine for a while. I was administering some amyl nitrite up her wizard’s sleeve for a bit so she could butt chug. Yes! That’s it. It must’ve been that that caused all those colon lesions.
Doctor: Thankyou for that frankly horrendous explanation. Anyway, the waiting police officer would like a word with you!