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An uppity douche who thinks their efforts caused an increase in business. Colleagues, however, know otherwise, and can see through updicks quite easily.
"Sean's been bragging all morning about the uptick in his territory!"
"I know - what an updick. Tell that cock to shut the fuck up."
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The act of sliding the male genitalia up the rectum of one or more students attempting to write an essay about the american author John Updike
"Hey did you finish the essay?"
"Yeah, but I was getting a John Updick the entire time"