ass-porch

The frequently expansive, region of the body that includes the Einstein-Rosen bridge connecting the rectum to the outside of the body as well as the hyperbolic saddle surface directly adjacent to the ER bridge, that together require at least half a roll of single ply toilet paper to clean after even the smallest amount of feces has traversed the region.

Dad: How’s it going in there? You fall in?
Son: Sorry dad, I wanted to make sure I cleaned the ass-porch but now I have shit all over everything. I got some on my balls, on my fingers, a few globs on the floor and even some on the mirror. I probably need a power washer to get it all squared up.
Dad: Got it! You probably both wiped back and front too much and broke off a piece that was still McConnelling in the ERB.