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Assholes Anonymous or AA – A 12-step program for assholes in an attempt to recover from its horrible sphincter grip into recovery. An asshole can never be cured but they can be “in recovery.”
Some never come to grips with their situation until they have suffered an assectomy
The 12 Steps of Assholes Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over our assholiness - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to non-asshole living.
3. Made a decision to turn our asshole desires and asshole habits over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our own personal asshole.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our being an asshole.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of being an asshole.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our assholes.
8. Made a list of all persons the asshole in us had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other assholes
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were being an asshole, promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will to free us from our assholes and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other assholes, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
From an AA (Assholes Anonymous) meeting:
Mike: "My name is Mike and I am an asshole. I was born an asshole and have been an asshole, sometimes in denial all of my life."
Group: "Hi, Mike!"
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This is a 12-step program for people addicted to being assholes and who wish to attempt recovery.
Jerk: I just joined Assholes Anonymous.
Friend: Remember, call your sponsor before you even open your mouth.
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Assholics Anonymous® is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may fuck the lives of as many people as possible.
"Is A.A. for you? Only you can decide whether you want to give Assholics Anonymous a try?"
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Ron asks a woman to have dinner with him. When the check arrives he tells her portion is $24.89.
Ron: I only had one drink, you had TWO!
Date: Aaah, OK.
Ron: Can you leave the tip, I'm short on cash.
Date: WTH...Are you a member of AA - Asshole Anonymous???
Ron: No I'm not, wanna go to your place and have sex? I'm married.