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Dante's forgotten 10th circle of hell.
A city in Southern California. Most people know Calabasas for 2 things: Britney Spears, and the Kardashians. But who gives a shit about celebrities when the city itself sucks major ass?
Sure, it's filled with houses that cost more than the GDP of a developing country, along with spotlessly clean streets completely free of homeless people and stores where the average price of a t-shirt is $100.
But honestly, the superficiality of the city is also very much prevalent in its citizens. The typical Calabasas resident is young, rude, rich, and horny. They start off early; you'll see stupid little 10 year old girls with their Louis Vuitton purses and Seven jeans giggling to their friends on their iPhones all about the guy that they just kissed the other day. Everyone here is so inconsiderate and self-absorbed that it makes me sick. Genuine, kindhearted people are rare.
All anyone gives a shit about here are drugs, alcohol, sex, ugly designer clothes that are not worth their face value, and expensive cell phones. This place is shit. Do yourself a favor and run far, far away. You'll thank me.
Ignorant bastard: Yo dude, I'm gonna move to Calabasas because I heard Britney Spears lives there.
Former Calabasas resident who was smart enough to leave: You're a fucking moron.
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Ok, so
The drive to calabasas is about as long as the wait in the line at the local plastic surgery office. Their high school boasts the worst football record (2-42) and athletes from other marmonte schools just laugh if asked if they beat Calabasas. Not only do their porches shine, but their generally fake lifestyles spawn "perfect" druggy children. The fact that at certain sport events the areas for each team are separated just disproves the "There's only been one fight" lie. Point is, Calabasas is a giant melting pot of money, where everyone goes and complains about the man down the street with only one car, AND ITS A TOYOTA. Don't visit, you probably won't return with your original car, face, or ass.
"Did you guys beat calabasas?"
..."Haha good joke"
139👍 48👎
Home of neurotic lying scum living beyond their means.
Soon to be depopulated by a wave of McMansion foreclosures. The boutique clothing stores are soon to follow, once people stop buying overpriced schmattas to impress their neighbors. Next will be the repossession of the leased Range Rover and Mercedes.
Life in Calabasas means a constant attempt to pretend to your neighbors, temple and fellow parents (or anyone within earshot) that you are doing better than you really are, that you make more money, are wealthier, smarter and have more power and social standing than the next schlub.
Here is a user's guide to living in Calabasas:
Be pushy and aggressive and others usually will roll over.
When in doubt, sue, or just do it anyway to get your own way.
Get dirt on people to hold over their heads, because they are doing the same to everyone else.
Rampant gossip circulates in nanoseconds because there is no honor among the douchebags, yentas and bubbes that hover like vultures at schools, malls, gyms, nail salons and coffee bars to dish on everyone.
The sly ones pump maids, gardeners and security guards for information on everyone. Non-Hispanics don't realize that there are no secrets when se habla Espanol.
Schadenfreude is the local contact sport. After all, it could by you next so why not enjoy another's problems?
Parents exaggerate and lie about their children - theirs can do wrong, so it must have been somebody else's kid, and probably yours, that did something unspeakable.
Teachers and school administrators may be bribed or bought off by daily Starbucks deliveries and prepaid standing appointments for their mani pedi at the local salons. They also respond well to overpaid tutoring engagements to supplement their salaries off the books (no checks, please).
School grades are negotiable and are always inflated when talking with other lying scum. Nobody calls anyone out on anything because they are all complicit in the fantasy and denial.
Is it less expensive to keep up appearances than to go to therapy?
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stuck up, bitchy, horny, "straight but willing to experiment", rich, slut princesses (with the exception of the minority of genuine people) and many of the guys are self centered egotistical testosterone filled jackasses with their heads shoved so far up their asses they cant see anymore and can go fuck the horses they rode in on twice because they are chauvinistic, condescending, patronizing, manipulative, imbroglio-causing, mannerless, naive, pricks with no respect and it is disgusting how they treat women and think so highly of themselves... then again the way many of the girls around here act, they probably deserve it, if theyre not totally provoking them.
this does NOT apply to everyone.
"What school do you go to?"
"Calabasas"
::disgusted looks::
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aka Catty Bitches
Town of the bulimic wannabe MILF Mom, anorexic skank daughter and don't even ask about bubbe.
Bad place filled with neurotic bitches that hate themselves and each other.
Known for conspicuous consumption, until credit gets scarce, then known for freeloading on "friends".
Bad place to be from, as you can't erase the memories.
Catty Bitches - even worse than the rest of the West Valley.
My dog ran away to Calabasas, and then ran back scared to death.
Running over a Catty Bitch is a Mitzah.
Danny, buy me a Range Rover because I am a Catty Bitch.
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refuge for nouveau riche douchebags fleeing the LA Unified School District - typically insurance salesmen or personal injury attorneys or some other self-motivated, uneducated tasteless buffoons
that hondler is so Calabasas. She furnished her house with everything that the designer could unload on her, and was crowing about what a deal she got, even though anyone else could see they unloaded crap on her.
He was a typical Calabasas resident - short, pushy, with kids who could do no wrong.
A typical Calabasas kid has all the toys and none of the integrity of an average middle-American citizen.
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Small city in the Los Angeles county area known for its expensive cost of living, small number of rooms (just 4 rooms for 6 people) and expensive smoothies ($29!!). Most often discussed in relation to leaving it to go somewhere else. Just 10 minutes from Malibu, which is sad, because there's nothing happening in Malibu.
Let's fly from Calabasas to Chicago, St Louis, and New York. Or anywhere really.
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