care-o-meter

A fictional object, normally sarcastically used in a situation where you could say "care" or "cares", too, but need something a little more unexpected/fresh.

Ben: We lost the softball game.
Justin: Oh, my care-o-meter's off the charts.

Janice: My grandmother just died.
Cody: Beep! Beep! Sorry, that's just my care-o-meter going off.
Janice: *quiet sobbing*

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