cheese-bird

A term for a mousy-type woman, who might wear glasses and have a beak-like nose, and somewhat pretentious about films and stage performances, very dorky about such things and all, and has a preference for melted cheese on almost any other type of food other than unmelted cheese.

A cheese-bird may be known to smear brie on white bread and consider it a delicacy, or eat wheels of cheddar in just a few days. The cheese-bird strays from cheeses like Morbier, Stilton, and Cambazola. The cheese-bird prefers basic American cheeses such as Colby, Monterey Jack, Mild Cheddar, and even Sharp Cheddar too! And scoffs in maniacal laughter at the mention of Velveeta, somewhat pretentious in her faux-expertise on the subject of high-class varieties of American-made cheeses. She may consider her knowledge that 'chevre' is the French equivalent of 'goat cheese', and attempt to advise others, who already know as such, of such inanities.

Cheese-birds are known to fly to Wisconsin for winter, and sometimes, their bellies become so filled with cheese in such a cheese-fueled society there, that they can't fly out of the cheese-bird ponds from too much cheese-weight, and their legs then become frozen there in the icy pond, and they die there, lonely corpses, farting out fetid, sulfuric cheese-farts from their rotted and frozen cheese-bird zombie corpses.

Buddy #1: 'Are you still dating that 'cheese-bird'?

Buddy #2 'Well, kind of.....I mean, last I heard she was working at a renaissance fair, selling pickles and all. She's actually called 'The Pickle Girl', I mean, that's her stage name or whatever.'
Buddy #1: 'Man, when's that cheese-bird flying to Wisconsin, bro?'
Buddy #2: 'Dude, pretty soon, hopefully soon, actually. Pretty sure Renaissance Fair season is over now and all.'
Buddy #1: 'Fuck yeah, yo, maybe she'll get stuck in a cheese-pond, whuuuuttt????'

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