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When your upset with your girlfriend and you want to unwind you roll yourself up backwards with your feet behind your ears and shoot a load onto your face.
You can also say hurtful things to yourself like “if you won’t take it then I will!”
Person 1: dude my girlfriend is going to leave me
Person 2: fuck man, you wanna talk about it?
Person 1: She keeps catching me shooting fat loads onto my face, calling me humpty cumpty and then storming off.
Person 2: .....
Masturbating whilst going for a shit.
'Went for a shit whilst horny and ended up having a cumpty dumpty'