I was drunk

The universal excuse for a temporary lapse in judgement while intoxicated.

I didn't mean to call you a bitch, I was drunk.

I didn't mean to sleep with your boyfriend, I was drunk.

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I love drunk

the only response necessary when trying to justify drunken actions, most notably those that are the most embarrasing and those you do not remember.

random girl: Frank, why did you whip our your D in the middle of the party?

Myers: I love drunk

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I'll have you know that I was drunk

Excuse for the most embarrasing acts one can do. Often ends with: at the time of the fight, mooning, streaking, gay orgy, party, chumba wumba dance, felching, belching, farting, public Defecation, vomiting, monkey licking, pole humping, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes said as: I'll have you know that me and: the monkey, sasquatch, your girlfriend, or monkey sasquatch girlfriend, were both drunk at the time. If you're a recovering alcoholic, don't use it after you beat the crap out of a liquor store owner.

I'll have you know that I was drunk at the time of the floor buffer incident.

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Irish I Were Drunk

"I wish I was drunk"

This phrase pokes fun at Irish people because they stereotypically drink a lot of alcohol. Not only does the phrase sound as though it is being spoken by a drunk person, it includes the word "Irish."

Drunk Irish Man: Irish I were drunk!

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i swear to drunk i'm not god

Usually said by drunks.
They think they're actually saying:
"I swear to god I'm not drunk."

Unforunately, they aren't.

Guy : I swear to drunk I'm not god!
Police officer: Okay sir, get out of the car.

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