Leathered as a handlebar

Being in a state of of extreme drunkenness, but unable to vocalise the much more reasonable, 'Leathered as a handbag". i.e: the inability to identify the real phrase of the moment, instead reeling off many similar sounding phrases.

Any variation of the above is acceptable.
i.e: Leathered as a satchel
Satcheled as a handle bag,
Handlebaged as a leather.
Most variants are welcome.

"Mate, are you going to come on the beers tonight?"

"No thank you mate, I'm leathered as a handlebar".

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