No Shit, there I was

This phrase generally precedes an unbelievable event or story described by someone that the situation could never happen to.

500lb Alan: So No Shit, there I was, ballz deep in the poon-tang valley pounding away on this hot ass 18 year old.

Mike: Um, yeah... Sure you were Al, sure you were.

24👍 11👎

Don't Shit Where I Eat

This term is used to explain the reasons NOT to date a co-worker.

The translation is essentially saying that you are not willing to mess up (shit) where you are making a living for your bread and butter (eats).

Even though I would love to go out with you, Simone, I don't shit where I eat.

99👍 19👎

shit mate i just sharted

when your with your friend and you think you need to fart so you do and then you realise it wasn’t a fart and that you in fact have just shit all over yourself and your friend

friend: you alright mate?
you: yea man just need to fart *sharts*
you: ‘oh shit mate i just sharted’ :/

shit i dunno

A word used if the answer to a question is unknown.

-How long that nigga get?
-Shit I dunno

10👍 5👎

shit i farted

2. An exclamation declaring to someone that one has accidentally farted gas, or farted shit.
1. A phrase used to refer to something that came out your asshole by accident, either literally, or figuratively.

2. What's that smell?
-Oh shit i farted, sorry.

1a. Hey bro, wanna watch Oprah?
-I'd rather eat shit i farted.

1b. What's that she's wearing on her head?
-I dunno, looks like shit i farted

12👍 6👎

oh shit if I get caught with this I'm fucked

What is said after you accidentally (or sometimes purposely) download child pornography onto your computer.

B3nhur: hey i just DLed one night in paris
J4ke: omg! is it hott??
B3nhur: oh shit if i get caught with this i'm fucked
J4ke: wut? y?
B3nhur: cause it's fuckin kid porn under the wrong name
J4ke: omfg

42👍 22👎

Shit yourself, have I?

Fairly ambiguous and is often open to debate on it's correct application.
Historically it has been used to politely ask someone at, say, a formal dinner, if they have farted or indeed, have actually shat their smalls. The use of "have I" helping to ease the embarrasement of the situation.

"excuse me, would you pass the gravy"

"certainly, my pleasure"

(sudden smell of shit is apparant)

"pardon me, but shit yourself, have I?"