paturbed

Originally a misspelling of the word perturbed - this word has reached common usage among Gen Z internet users with divorced parents. Being "paturbed" is like being perturbed but way way worse.

Awkward Father: Hi, son, have you heard of the Cleveland Steamer?
Son: I'm paturbed.
Awkward Father: No. You must be confused. I'm paturbed.

Paturbating

Paturbating is when you masturbate, and look cool while doing it, usually wearing black sunglasses and a leather jacket, with a very straight face.

I'm gonna try paturbating at the mall tomorrow, I just got a new leather jacket