shardguard

A protective, cotton type plug usually inserted to help protect against sharding in one's trousers. Usually effects the population born before the 1960's.

Hey Glady's, did you notice Helga hasn't sharded all day. I bet she bought shardguards after that disaster in aisle 5 of Wal-mart.

or

She sharted so hard last time that her shardguard burned a whole right through her Depends.