Random
Source Code
Random
A run down shit hole town to the North East of Chesterfield in Derbyshire, England. Also known as 'brown town' due to the high prevalence of heroin (brown).
The residents consist manly of chavs, single mums on benefits and smackheads. Most of the population live off state benefits in squalid, rat-infested council houses. Those which have a legitimate job are employed by the town's sole employer, Morrison's supermarket. Staveley's main exports are as follows: 1.heroin 2. counterfeit cigarettes 3. 13 year old prostitutes 4. stolen goods from Morrisons 5. stolen car stereos/mobile phones/plasma screen TV's etc. The main social hub of the town is the Miners working men's club on the main road, locally known as 'Hitler's bunker'.
Residents lead simple, pathetic lives with no hope nor ambition of acheiving anything better. A typical staveley female will aspire to having children at an early age (typically 15-16), eventually acquring several more, usually with multiple partners. She will therefore qualify for a free council house which will usually be a complete slum. The average male here will attend no more than 3 days schooling in his lifetime and will aspire to be the 'hardest man on the estate' as this is their version of respect. They will put most of their effort into cultivating this image as a complete hard-nut psycho, usually by attacking weedy, unarmed individuals in gangs of 20 with baseball bats and hammers. They also have a wierd liking for 13 year old girls. Respect may also be earned for having 'the hardest dog on the estate'. Young male chavs bolster their hard-man image by acquiring vicious beasty canines (usually banned breeds).
Local cuisine consists of beef and tomato flavor pot noodle, happy shopper baked beans/tinned spaghetti and chips all washed down with a litre of cheap cider such as White Star. Local smackheads are known to do a special deal known as "5 items for a fiver", meaning any 5 items of the customers' choice stolen from the local Morrisons for £5.
The home office advice to non-residents is to avoid entering the area unless in an armoured vehicle (with all valubles removed and everything securely bolted down). An armed guard is also a sensible precaution.
"Lets go down Staveley to get some heroin"
"Who goes to work?" (Local proverb)
"My dog's hardest on't estate"
149👍 81👎
One who, by way of natural herbal induction becomes highly philosophical and intellectual- according to his own opinion.
I got Staveleyed and engaged in a three hour discussion on the life cycle of a snail.
13👍 5👎