Tactard

A Tactical retard -

Someone who needs everything to be "Tactical" equipment or carries "Tactical" wallets, pens, sunglasses, gloves, hankerchiefs, lipbalms, chewing gum, and so on, and won't shut up about it.

"My wallet is kevlar and would stop a bullet and my pen is waterproof to a depth of 200ft"
"God you're a fucking tactard"