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God, Jesus and everything. The flying spaghetti monster is the most powerful being in the universe. If you pray to the flying spaghetti monster and do the secret swag dance, you will get rich, popular and sexy hair within seconds.
Retard 1: The flying spaghetti monster is hot.
Retard 2: No.
Retard 1: YOU MUST BE BURNED ALIVE ON THE HOLY BANANA STEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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The alleged deity of The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) theory which was first publicly postulated in an open letter to the Kansas School Board during the debates on whether or not to introduce Intelligent Design in to the science curriculum. The FSM is theorized to manipulate observable data such as carbon dating results via 'His' Noodly Appendage. We are also taught that The FSM hates when its subjects do not dress as pirates. FSM followers claim that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s.
1) If Intelligent Design can be taught in schools as a scientific theory than so can Flying Spaghetti Monster theory.
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The ultimate lord and ruler of the universe, and the deity of the Pastafarian religion. He created the world using His Great Noodley Appendage.
No other monsters can be worshiped before Him (after is fine, just use protection).
The only Monster deserving of capitalization, other monsters are inferior to Him, unworthy of capitalization.
Even Christians have accepted that He has more balls than their god.
His first and most holy disciples were the pirates, who
(contrary to what the old age Christians would tell you) traveled the world and gave children candy.
Unfortunately, the number of pirates are shrinking, causing global warming and other natural disasters to rise.
Some places still have pirates, like Somalia, which has the lowest carbon emissions of any country, coincidence?
He, in His infinite wisdom, created the Eight "I'd really rather you didn't s", the holy tenets of the Pastafarian religion.
For example: "I'd really rather you didn't build multimillion-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to His Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent ending poverty, curing diseases, living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the cost of cable."
When one dies, they will be with Him in heaven, along with a Stripper factory and a Beer Volcano.
R'amen.
On the first day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster separated the water from the heavens; on the second, because He could not tread water for long and had grown tired of flying, He created the land—complemented by a beer volcano. Satisfied, the Flying Spaghetti Monster overindulged in beer from the beer volcano and woke up hungover. Between drunken nights and clumsy afternoons, the Flying Spaghetti Monster produced seas and land (for a second time, accidentally, because he forgot that he created it the day before) along with Heaven and a midget, which he named Man. Man and an equally short woman lived happily in the Olive Garden of Eden for some time until the Flying Spaghetti Monster caused a global flood in a cooking accident.
"If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back."-Bobby Henderson
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The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is a deity in a creation story. This story was created in response to the Kansas (US) School Board trying to change teaching guidelines so that Intelligent Design would be taught alongside Evolution in Public School science class.
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism holds that The FSM created everything with His Noodly Appendage. Also The FSM is keeping his identity secret by making Evolution look like such a scientific certainty.
The creator of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism has written an open letter to the Kansas School Board so that it will be taught alongside Intelligent Design and Evolution. He has also started a fund to pursue this through legal action if necessary. Or buy himself a boat, whichever comes first.
RAmen
"I'm not going to pay my credit card debt from buying Mad Max memerobelia on Ebay. If The Flying Spaghetti Monster wanted me to pay my debt he would provide me with the money with His Noodly Appendage."
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The deity of the Flying Spaghetti Monsterism religion, created as a mockery of the decision to teach intelligent design in schools. Followers call themselves 'pastafarians' and believe that the FSM created everything, and hid it behind scientific data. In this religion, every friday is a religious holiday, all prayers end with RAmen, and the heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano. Global warming is explained by the decline in the number of pirates since the 1800's, and therefore the increased number of violent hurricanes is also caused by the lack of pirates since hot water makes hurricanes. and the term 'pirate' does NOT refer to music pirates, since real pirates used swords.
I hope that the Flying Spaghetti Monster touches me with His Noodly Apendage
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The being that desinged the world through Intelligent Design. He is impossible to see and manipulates our scientific insturments to hide His presence. In the begining He designed a mountain, trees, and a midget. When spreading the good news about Him one must wear full pirate regalia. FSMism is composed to loose moral obligations, every friday is a holiday, and heaven has a stripper factory and beer volcano. RAmen.
"As part of our science lesson, we will learn about the theories of evolution, Intelligent Design, and Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, so I hope y'all brought your pirate regalia. Yarrrr."
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A holy monster of spaghetti. The one true savior... have you been touched by his noodly appendage?
I have been saved by the flying spaghetti monster!
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