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turning good poetry into vogon poetry by reading it horribly.
*sticks fingers into ears* aaargh! he's reading "tyger, tyger" in a monotone and pausing in all the wrong places! did he just manage to vogonize blake??
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Here's what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: Forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Asgoths of Crea. During a recitation by their poetmaster Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the mid-galactic Arts Knobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don't.
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Fictitious alien race from Douglas Adam's
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series of books, television shows and radio plays.
Vogons are reknowned for their bad poetry, dislike of hitchhikers, bad temper and tendency to blow up mostly harmless planets.
Most Vogons tend to become bureaucrats for the galactic government, a profession ideally suited to their unpleasent natures.
A prime example of a Vogon is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, captain of the Vogon constructor fleet that demolished the planet Earth to make way for a hyperspace bypass.
On no account allow a Vogon to read poetry at you.
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Here's what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: Forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
In modern, English, Earthman parlance, a vogon is an officious, callous bureaucrat who insists on following the rules regardless of whether they are directly applicable or make any sense at all. Whether they do this because they are cruel and sadistic, or because they don't have two brain cells to rub together is immaterial and often impossible to discern.
Hey, you sass that vogon at the bank? He took me to court and tried to repo my house even though I never took out a loan! Apparently there was a typo on the address. He knew about it, but went ahead with the case because I never filled out Form 1654x9b requesting an address correction. I'd never even heard of a 1654x9b until I'd been served! What a vogon!
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n. a person or animal who is deemed the stupideat person in the vacinity of the vogon sayer. see hater. a vogon, for example, will always be the hoe or biotch see pimp who will go on the beer or grocery runs. also, the idiot who eats all the food. see rolly polly.
Man Jimmy, Ian is such a stinkin' vogon. I wanna kick his butt.
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n. a person or animal who is deemed the stupideat person in the vacinity of the vogon sayer. see hater. a vogon, for example, will always be the hoe or biotch see pimp who will go on the beer or grocery runs. also, the idiot who eats all your damn food. see rolly polly
Man Jimmy, Ian is such a stinkin' vogon. I wanna kick his butt.
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1. Poetry recited by a Vogon or by several Vogons, and is the third worst Poetry in the galaxy.
2. Any poetry recited in a slow repetitive lilt that goes on for eternity, and makes one want to yell at the poet, "Shut up!!!", scream, and punch him in the gob.
Ralph recited some poetry at the Arts Festival, and he went on and on and on, in a slow drawn-out lilt. After 15 minutes the audience got so fed up, shouted "Vogon Poetry!" and pelted him with rotten vegetables and used condoms.
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