Random
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Random
The ability to walk along the street whilst writing a text and avoid all oncoming traffic without looking up from your phone.
Dave: "Did you see the way that girl just changed direction without looking up from her phone, she was on a serious collision course with a pram"
Jon " yeah, she must have text sense"
Following a clean drop with minimal clean up required, from nowhere, you are hit by a 2nd wave which results in a million wiper.
Dave: "I just had a lovely dump, nice clean break, just about to pull up my trousers and BAM! a 2nd wave. Took forever to get my arse clean."
Jon "I think you better go back and do a vanity wipe just in case!"
The act of causing severe flesh injury whilst trying to part frozen food.
Dave: “Jon is not coming into work today as he stabbed himself with the butter knife whilst trying to part 2 slices of frozen bread”
MarK: “Sounds bad?”
Dave: “Really bad, he needed 8 stitches in the palm of his hand, worst case of iceeration I have ever seen, blood everywhere”
Mark: “He is such a div,”
Dave " Yeah, what a twat"
OST - Optimum Scoffing Temperature.
Applies to food brought from late night burger bars or takeaways that is a perfect temperature to simply devour without breathing.
Man, that Kebab was OST, it didn’t touch the sides.
A unique fragrance usually found in communal toilets.
Dave: “Do you know what one of worst smells in the world is?
Tom: No. What?
Dave: “That smell when you walk into the toilets and you are greeted by the smell on some else’s shit combined with their aftershave”
Tom: Ahhh I think you mean “eau de shat”
The act of carefully controlling a fart when you know there could be some shitty "pant dribble" should you let it go full pelt.
Phew, that was close, playing Russian Poolett and managed not to shit myself again.