Random
Source Code
Random
Non disclosure agreement
When you have done bad things and you and the CEO don't want people to know so you try and push a woman into signing an NDA
Hi I'm Mr Matturbation. I can't believe you won't drop this lawsuit. Sign the NDA FFS so my wife will believe my bullshit.
It's what a married guy named Matt aka Harry Frotteur has to resort to for the next year or two when his wife knows he is in some serious fucking trouble
Hey look it's Matturbation isn't that the guy who brought a book about vagina and pubic hair into work after touching that woman and his wife knows he's guilty and now it doesn't matter if he can get it up
It's the words coming out of a local government when they realise there is no way she is signing an NDA
Woman : sorry means admitting EVERYTHING you did. I'm not signing that NDA. P.S. love that audio of you admitting enough you can't get me for defamation by speaking the truth
Matturbation : Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit
CEO : Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit
Coverup Everything Officer
CEO : this is the Coverup Everything Officer speaking. Please bury the investigation report. The Freedom of Information request is refused.
FOI officer : the freedom of information request is refused. It will take us so many hours to stick paper in a photocopier and black out some words. It doesn't matter that you offered to pay for our time to take an already collated investigation file and copy it. It is a big job to photocopy shit we don't want you to see.
HR : not a problem.
Lawyer: no problem. We will continue to refuse access to the investigation report. After all access has been refused for a year and a half now.
A gateway touch is a good way to touch a woman and figure out if you can keep touching and talking sexual with her at work without getting reported, often starts with a subliminal massage.
Hey look at me I'm a d**k. I work in local government. Think I might start with a gateway touch and then ask the women to go swimming, maybe talk about fetishes, maybe I will run my finger up her leg, maybe put my body up against her body, maybe bring a book about vagina and pubic hair to work, maybe call her magic fingers in a meeting, see if it makes her uncomfortable, I did the gateway touch and she didn't report me, maybe I might tell her I can get it up. If she reports me I'll say lots of words like I can't remember, words like maybe and um and Uh. I should be able to get away with it.
Get out of jail free cards for perverts (only valid at work)
CEO : Do you have any frisking permits to go with that sexual harassment complaint.
Harry Frotteur: fuck yes, you gave it to me
When you are a guy named Matt and your missus is hell pissed at you this is your new favorite verb.
Hey I'm Matt and I'm in the shit, guess I gonna go Matturbate