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(n.) the act of writing non-work-related content into a spreadsheet while at work, so as if to appear you're toiling away.
Veiled procrastination. Allows the Excel-poet to engage in confident eye contact whenever the boss walks by. Meanwhile, sweaty colleagues scramble to appear busy, mystified.
I have time to forge my definitions thanks to Excel Poetry.
(n.) a way to express the darker side of someone
Named after Clifford the Big Red Dog's hood personality.
I lost it when Jeff told me he forgot the wine bottler. I went all Clifford the Blood Red Dawg.
The cold and lonely chill of speaking to a guy who believes he can impersonate Matthew McConaughey and is dead set on showing you.
The victim of Alright Alright Fright may gag, shiver, and hustle out of the pregame, haunted.
Tom gave Becca Alright Alright Fright when he slithered into the living room and hissed "Alright, alright, alright."
A subconcious train of thought that expresses admiration for Apple products. Often recited in high school hallways, college campuses, and fat commutes.
The Apple Prayer: "Airpods have changed my life; Please end my strife with a new Apple Watch. Thank you, god, for Apple Cash. Oh, lmao, Siri's trash."
Damian gave an Apple Prayer before his exam.
The ailment contracted by lonely singles after Valentine’s Day. Symptoms include feverish right-swiping on dating apps and a renewed desire to wreck the gym. The general public can protect itself by wearing masks, to avoid smelling Alonavirus victims’ brand new cologne: Dior Amour.
Also known as Heartbrokenfluenza, not to be confused with the Common Cold Heart.
Adam contracted Alonavirus on Valentine’s Day when he binged-watched all of his friends’ romantic Instagram stories.
(n.) A millennial who has founded several limited liability companies (LLCs) to absolutely no success. The companies generally don't exist outside of their LinkedIn profiles and resumes.
These individuals believe they are gods of money, but in fact are merely pawns of capitalism.
The LLC God attempted to raise capital from his uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.
(n.) a way to refer to the group of friends you're most comfortable and familiar being around.
The bread and wine are a mixture of your "day 1's", "BFFs", "bros", and "OGs." They represent the flesh and blood of your friend group.
Person 1: Who's coming?
Person 2: The bread and wine.