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(n.) An after-hours text from one’s boss demanding they return to the office. A professional's Booty Call.
Originated after the French Revolution, when the proletariat was forced to work long hours at the boutique because ownership had been killed by the Guillotine. Today, is often answered by individuals with a crumbling social life or a disturbing obsession with their boss.
Those who respond to a Boutique Call will often matter-of-factly mutter “No emotions, just promotions” before rollerblading all the way back to the office, in decline.
Tom's Boutique Call led to "Quick Fix and Chill" session with his boss, as they watched HR videos and massaged each others' data.
The radio silence from someone who is yet to pay you back on Venmo.
Venmo Hush arises when a debtor is too ashamed to respond to social calls and group chat messages, thanks to the elephant in the room. Short of death, Venmo Hush is the #1 cause for un-replied texts among millennials.
Venezuela instigated a Venmo Hush when she realized her next paycheck was 13 days away.
(n.) the act of wearing an unflattering pair of underwear, erroneously calculating that no one would see you in your underwear for the day.
Can apply to faded, fraying, or everyday underwear brands such as Hanes or Fruit of the Loom. Is often a symptom of stag reflex.
Person 1: Lauren saw me in my workout-only boxer briefs today
Person 2: An unforgivable Hanes miscalculation.
(n.) someone who has been caught in the act of gossiping.
Named after the stank lingering on the breath of someone who just uttered a filthy rumor. Often, friends will go out of the way to avoid a gossip breath out of fear of being featured in their next rumor.
I could smell Erin's rank gossip breath from behind my back.
(n.) the choice to give up on your crush because you've been put on the shelf for too long.
Humans tend to carry shelf lives of several months -- much shorter than that of canned foods. The average human will shelf die more than once in their life.
Luke is going through a tough shelf death after Mary stopped responding to his messages last month.
(n.) A wealthy neighborhood or region, named after what its spoiled children see when they spot Orion’s Belt in the sky.
The backyards in Orion's Gucci Belt may smell vaguely of George Bush's breath. It's an urban legend that the people who live in Orion's Gucci Belt root for financial crises and own large birds of prey that steal from the poor.
Person 1: "Wanna go to Chipotle?"
Person 2: "This is not the Rust Belt. This is Orion’s Gucci Belt. We feast at the Cheesecake Factory."
(n.) a failure in friend group politics; when two parties fail to come to an agreement about how a night on the town should play out.
Like in a No Deal Brexit scenario, parties involved in the bar crawl face a severance in relations for the evening, splitting into respective factions. Each must rely on texting outside friends to survive.
Luke wants downtown but Anna says uptown.
Looks like we're headed for a No Deal Bar Crawl.