douche ex machinist

A writer of limited talent who weaves a myriad of complex plot lines into the beginning of his work, only to later abandon most of those plot lines in a lazy ‘deus ex machina’ story ending.

Did you watch the ending of ‘Battlestar Galactica’? There was a really douche ex machinist at work on that final episode!

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Moistie

Function: noun

1: A cultured, sophisticated, knowledgeable, discriminating enthusiast who posts fair and balanced, unbiased, insightful reviews and constructive criticisms of various science fiction works on the Internet’s Moist Board.

2: An executive member of the Illuminati.

3: A hater of cockatiels.

4: A rabid fan of David Hasselhoff.

5: A highly skilled cell phone hacker.

6: All of the above.

The Moistie’s are cool, but they have a long list of bannable offenses at their bulletin board.

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Does not compute

A phrase often used by computers and robots in science fiction TV shows and movies, meaning failure to understand.

The phrase has been attributed to the comedy TV show ‘My Living Doll’.

Does not compute. Please say that again in plain English.

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shipper angst

Contrived and torturously convoluted writing of a TV show’s characters’ relationships, done simply for the sake of interjecting more ‘drama’ into the series.

Shipper angst typically includes elements of lose, conflict, jealousy, and both real and perceived infidelities, that adversely affect and influence the thoughts and actions the show’s characters. While these elements are standard ingredients of good drama, their overuse is unmistakable evidence of the kind of hack writing that reduces TV series drama to mere melodrama.

I stopped watching ‘Battlestar Galactica’ in the middle of the third season. I just couldn’t stand watching any more of that silly shipper angst.

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swept the pigeon

“Swept the pigeon” refers to a nonsensical scene in the last episode of the sci-fi TV series Battlestar Galactica. In the last episode of the show, a drunken main character is filmed as he attempts to chase a pigeon out of his apartment with a broom.

Fanboys and shippers of the series maintain that the “swept the pigeon” scene was the epitome of “high art”. Discriminating viewers maintain, quite correctly, that the “swept the pigeon” scene was complete nonsense and was only added to the final episode in a feeble attempt by the producer to disguise the show’s lack of story continuity, unresolved plot holes, and nihilistic, destructive ending.

That last episode of Battlestar Galactica really swept the pigeon.

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puking at the stars

A scene only added to a television show, or movie, for its shock value.

“Puking at the stars” refers to a bizarre scene in the last episode of the sci-fi TV series Battlestar Galactica. In the last episode of the show, the future Admiral Adama is shown vomiting all over himself as he lies drunk in the gutter looking up at the stars.

Fanboys of the series maintain that the “puking at the stars” scene was part of the show’s character development, that it pushed the show’s gritty envelope, and that it was the epitome of “high art”. Discriminating viewers maintain, quite correctly, that the “puking at the stars” scene was vile and only added to the show’s last episode for it’s shock value.

Can you believe the producers of Battlestar Galactica added that “puking at the stars” scene to the last episode? Those guys are really full of themselves for carrying their deeply meaningful, gritty, and real delusions that far.

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Craprica

Craprica is a contemptuous reference to the future TV series ‘Caprica’, a prequel to the canceled sci-fi TV series ‘Battlestar Galactica’. Discriminating science fiction fans expect the prequel to be canceled at the end of its first season.

The prequel is promoted as futuristic and delivering all of the passion, intrigue political backbiting, family conflict, etc. of ‘Battlestar Galactica’.

Disappointed, former fans of ‘Battlestar Galactica’, however, interpret the prequel’s promotions as doublespeak for a soap opera thinly disguised as a science fiction drama. These former fans expect the prequel to including all of the bad science, contrived shipper angst, nihilism, complete disregard for story continuity, and unresolved plot holes of the original show.

After watching what that douche ex machinist did to ‘Battlestar Galactica’, I wouldn’t waste my time watching Craprica.

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