relax yourself

Very similar to calm yourself, it's what you say to someone who's acting up, maybe buggin, or in serious danger of going postal.

For maximum impact, use it as a complete sentence at the end of whatever else you wanted to say.

Paris: You borrowed my new skinny jeans without asking? I'll claw your eyeballs out, you thieving skank!

Lindsay: Listen beyotch, they needed breaking in by someone with some actual junk in the trunk. I'll wash 'em before I return 'em. Relax yourself.

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Bowsette

A gender-bent Bowser, following Rule 63 of the Internet.

Bowsette has become all the rage, ever since someone posted a Twitter comic of him donning Princess Toadstool's Super Crown from the new Super Mario Bros U Deluxe, and turning into a rival for Mario's affections.

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because

The shorthand version for expressions like "because of" or "because I am".

Made popular thanks to sites like Twitter, where brevity matters; now often used jokingly or ironically, even in regular conversation.

We're going drinking after class because Friday.

Tommy forgot to charge his iPad before the meeting because stupid.

I don't do drugs anymore because flying monkeys.

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Mistake Whiskey

A metaphor for having done something you regret and can't take back. As with too much alcohol, the more Mistake Whiskey you consume, the worse you feel; especially the next day. Coined by J. Jacques in his webcomic Questionable Content.

"I had already drunk three quarters of the bottle of Mistake Whiskey, so I figured I might as well finish the whole thing."

this is a thing

1) This exists.

2) This is a current fad, fashion, or meme.

People really do travel to dangerous places just to take selfies. It's hard to believe that this is a thing.

Newt Scamander cosplay? This is a thing!

A smartwatch with an analog display: is this really a thing?

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Colonial spring

A bout of warm, springlike weather toward the end of winter; the opposite of an Indian summer.

I think we ought to dub this period of unseasonably warm weather a 'Colonial spring' because:

1) It wasn't invited and it's not supposed to be here,
2) It seems like a blessing at first, but you suspect a global calamity may be lurking,
3) Its 'gifts' are often laden with nasty surprises like illness and flash flooding, and
4) Things could turn ugly again really quickly, without warning, despite assurances to the contrary.

today years old

A fancy way of saying that you just did or learned something for the first time today.

I was today years old when I found out that it's called duck tape and not duct tape.

He finally lost his virginity when he was today years old.

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