Plank

A non management salaried employee constantly guilt tripped to work unnecessary over time on tasks that have no true objective other than to provide management satisfaction knowing the employee is wasting their time.

Derived from “Walk the Plank,” the humor being that the employee doesn’t get to leave.

A: Why is **** always staying late? She does know she doesn’t get overtime, right?

B: She’s a plank.

—-

C: Hey ***, I’m going to have *** sort these old vouchers, I bet he’ll stay like an hour.

D: Walk the Plank!

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Sand in the eyes.

As an expression, it is often used by the speaker to communicate awareness that their actions may be perceived as “over-dramatic” by an observer; though relating to a primal desire to survive, the only rule is…

There are no rules.

1: That email is messy.
2: Nothing wrong with sand in the eyes.

1: What the f-
2: Sand in the eyes.

Fumbledorf

1. (noun): Anyone carrying a drink, food item, etc., that seems to completely and randomly lose all motor coordination, whether engaged in conversation or not, thus spilling or dropping said item or items while their attempt to maintain motor coordination results in cartoonishly exaggerated movements thus making the situation severely worse for themselves and anyone with approximately one and a half multiple of “arms-length.”

(plural) Fumbledorves

2. (verb) to Fumbledorf, to have Fumbledorfed, to be Fumbledorfing
Often used as a descriptor for anyone who unintentionally creates a dramatic scene by failing to do something considered simple or mundane which results in unnecessary loss or damage to property.

A (walking with coffee): Good morning
B (walking without coffee): Hey, good morning, how was your weekend?
A: Oh, it was alright, (coffee mysteriously escapes clutches) I-ya-ah-Eeeee!

T: Geez Fumbledorf!

O’Doyle Rules!

1. A catchphrase taken from the comedy film Billy Madison.

2. An underground pre-YouTube era saying used by pranksters to identify themselves as the mastermind of a successful prank.

3. A declaration of victory or domination in nearly any situation, an ancestor of Pwnd.

4. Used in certain instances, ironically or as a retort (adding insult to injury), by an underdog who claims victory over a highly arrogant opponent after said opponent had stated his/her victory was assured.

5. What one may say after having sexual intercourse, typically said by males.

A: “A gift? Thank you.”
A: Opens gift and sees it’s what was given to B last year.
B: O’Doyle Rules!

I’m dead

A clarifying statement that one is no longer performing biological functions. Often used to remind someone why they will not be joined for dinner or any other social function involving the inquiring party.

Hey redacted, I had a really good time last week, would you like to go out again?

I’m dead.

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Banana

Fresh fruit. More dangerous than a pointed stick. The banana can be a lethal weapon in the hands of a trained expert. Even the military has special units that train in these scenarios.

*bang*
Now I eat the banana.

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A monosyllabic phrase to indicate complete and udder reciprocation, even if one lacks comprehension of the remarks and wants to appear to agree unquestionably.

I find that the author’s attempt to appease to the reader’s sense of morality both futile and ironic, as the the material is written in the first person omnipresent and is a fictional autobiographical satire of the metaphysical presumption of bleep bloop bleed.

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