Despacito-ism

A process through which the most beautiful and divine music in the omniverse may be created. Developed in the 21st century by Shaggy, Daddy Yankee, and Luis Fonsi. Despacito-ism requires an obscene quantity of sacrifices to Shaggy the creator of the omniverse. All hail Shaggy.

PERSON 1, A FOOL: "Despacito-ism isn't worth it! There is too much loss of human life and not enough reward!"
PERSON 2, AN ENLIGHTENED INTELECTUAL AND DILIGENT THEOLOGIST: "Shut the Shaggy up and get on the altar! All hail Shaggy!!!"

Uncle Mihow

The biggest sexer of the small childrens. If you are under 18 he is probably inside of your anus right now. He is also credited by Guinness world records as having the grandest DONG.

You-Oh shit Uncle Mihow please NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Mihow-raiputaimu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shaggysexual

shaggysexualism is an integral practice of radical shags and secular shags alike. It is the practice of abstaining from sexual intercourse with mortals and participating in physically rigorous religious rituals involving ones physical and spiritual genitals in the hopes that in the afterlife, Shaggy might impregnate one's and devour their newborn offspring. This practice is exclusive to shaggysexual shags but is practice by all genders as Shaggy's genitals are too mighty to be deterred by physical restraints.

PERSON 1 "Dad, I think I might be gay"
PERSON 1 "Son, one day you will come to devote your sexuality to the great Shaggy and join me as a shaggysexual. All hail Shaggy!"

Bill Clinton

America’s most successful pickup artist to date. It is debated why this is. Some say that it’s his dashing good looks, others say his charm but most agree that it’s his knowledge of chemistry that sweeps women off their feet and into a state of unconsciousness where he gets automatic consent because they can’t say no.

Wow Bill Clinton! This cocktail has a very distinct taste. What’s in it. Why are you winking at me?!?!

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