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Nepotism United

The name that should be given to the thousands of kids’ football (soccer) teams run by a volunteer parent, whose child is often the worst player, usually causing the team to lose and the sidelining of bettter kids, to the quiet rage of the parents of sidelined children.

In an unbelievable first half, Nepotism United Under 10’s let in five goals, though it was all the fault of the other players except for Daniel Sulkpants at Centre-back, the manager’s son, and Billy Crap whose mother runs the coffee shop, and the other parents are scared to say anything about it.

by Clothears September 29, 2018


Spermnami

Spermnami:
When a male hasn’t had sex with his partner for weeks and finally does, the build up on ejaculation causing a catastrophic tidal wave.

Barry had been working away for three weeks. On his return he was so pleased to see his missus his Spermnami damaged the upper floors of the house and she went through the window into the garden.

by Clothears October 2, 2018


jack sparrow`s boot

The appearance of a highly sexually active older woman`s vagina. A hanging and leathery labia, resembling the flappy bits at the top a pirate`s boot.

"Steve, I saw you getting off with that blonde MILF last night. What was she like, then?"
"Bud, she went like a fucking steam train. Her twat was a bit worn out though; pissflaps looked like the top of Jack Sparrow`s boot".

by Clothears January 11, 2014


Viv

In UK employment law, apparently every large distribution company has to have an office clerk called Viv.
Viv is middle-aged, out of touch with the 21st century (and reality), and completely hopeless at any given task.
Viv will have worked with the company for many years, but management have given up trying to figure out ways to fire her.
A compulsive liar, she will have been told off time and again for making cock-ups on the computer system, but will come in the next day and happily make the same errors.
Viv will also have a cartoon picture of fluffy bunnies as her screensaver.

Manager: "There's 10,000 items of stock in the warehouse and it's all disappeared from the system. What the hell's going on?"
Viv: "Ooooh I don't know. Is it all still there? Maybe it was that horse that came in the office. Yes. I saw a horse touch the computer, hmmmm, maybe that was it"
Manager: "Oh Lord give me strength".

by Clothears April 6, 2016


Clift

Company buffoon, nearly always bearing the surname "Clift".

Clift cannot carry out the simplest of given tasks without either falling over and hurting himself, getting the job wrong and having a tantrum, or causing chaos or mayhem to others and the surrounding area. Then blaming everybody but himself for the resulting carnage. Also been known to bring down satellites and passing aircraft if he touches any I.T. equipment.

"Right, is that order ready for dispatch? It`s a big order, worth millions of pounds".
" No. It`s on fire. There`s blood everywhere and a rhinoceros is trapped in the vending machine".

"Who`s on dispatch???!!!"
"Clift".
"Ah........"

by Clothears December 19, 2013

3👍 11👎


Ewok Eating Salami

Ewok Vagina Hairy

A particularly unkempt vagina, all teeth, fur , strange noises and bits of meat hanging out, giving the appearance of a Star Wars Ewok eating salami

by Clothears April 23, 2018