living colour

Perhaps the first all-African-American rock/heavy metal band in history-- or rather, the first mainstream all-African-American rock/heavy metal band in history, Living Colour was, and still is, a revolutionary band, which combined raging guitar riffs with amazing drum beats and crazy, nimble basslines,and occasionally a synth or two (like in Hemp or Auslander). Although they put out wuite a few records, the two they're best known for are Tim's Up, which mainly consisted of vicious, off-beat guitar riffs, jazzy synthisizers, and hypnotic basslines, and Stain, which, except for the songs"Hemp" and "WTFF," is purely metal.

The mambers of the band are Vernon Reid (the guitarist, and one of the last real artists alive), Corey Glover (vocalist, Danny Glover's son, star of the movie "Platoon," and the founding member of Living Colour), William Calhoun (drummer, and music major (woot to the nootches!)), and Doug Wimbish (bassist, originally backed Grandmaster Flash and the Furious on Sugar Hill records). Each member is key in the execution of the music, and each instrument melds together with the others to create a smooth, but eerily off-beat sound which marked the black man's first real foray into white history. What's more, they managed to use the white man's music to fight racism, sexism, homophobia, AIDS, poverty in Africa, and conformity.

The members of the band split up in 1995, each going their separate ways, then reformed sometime in the past 5 or 6 years. They are still touring, and are coming to the Chicago House of Blues on December 5th, 2005. Tickets for general admission cost $20. Which means that the House of Blues is already $20 richer.

"Nothingness, all I have to feel is my lonliness, nothing in the attic 'cept an empty chest."

--Nothingness, by Living Colour

"Time's up, the sky's falling, time's up, the Lord is calling."

--Time's Up, by Living Color

"Ghosts and monsters, you basttard sinners, you've ruined my life!"

--Postman, by Living Colour

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postman

Noun:

1) A term derived from the song "Postman," by Living Colour. The song portrays an individual who feels as if humanity, even the objects and creatures who get in his way, are torturing him with sin and monotony, and are disobeying their creator, almight God. He becomes a messanger of God's wrath and destroys humanity, a happening which is implied in the song, but never actually stated. The character portrayed in the song may actually be a postman-- which would lead one tto believe that this song is about a historical event, the mass slayings commited by psychopathing postmen-- as seen in the following verses:

"Dogs and demons, walks in my head, I'm deep under pressure"

"Heavy things in a heavy bag (possibly a mail bag), heavy thoughts on my mind"

A postman is any individual who feels as if they are being pressured by all humanity, and that they need to...

-Resort to extreme force to get their way
-Be emo x10
-Go postal (as implied in the song, "Postman")
-Be rude, or act like an ass

Postmen are people one never wants to make angry, lest they spaz out and go postal.

2) A black metal song by Living Colour. See the last definition for info in the song.

3) A postal worker. Somebody who delivers mail to people on a specific mail route.

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Verb:

1) To go postal.

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Adjective:

1) Insane, psychopathic

2) Angry, emo

N1. Don't bother Little Jimmey! He's a real postman, he may just blow your head off!

N2. "Chaos and carnage surround me
While I hear their shouts and crys
I laugh at the gut while they try to surround me
THEY WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE!"

--Postman, buy Living Colour

N3. The postman came by and delivered our new issue of Nintendo Power!

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V1. Oh God, Jack's going postman! He's already trashed his office, and now he's taking a shit in Jenny's mouth!

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A1. Eric was totally postman, so we had to send him to the madhouse.

A2. God, you're so postman! Why don't you just go off and die!?

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Guitarbarian

N. A guitarbarian is a guitarist or bassist who refuses to take care of his/her guitar/bass properly. The key signs of guitarbarianism are:

-Refusal to change strings
-Not adjusting the truss rods according to string gauge (if possible)
-Leaving the guitar lying around to gather dust
-Exposing the guitar to extreme temperatures or highly fluctuating temperatures
-Damaging the guitar on purpose (except when smashing the guitar on stage, because that's a past-time)
-Not tuning the guitar when you know you need to
-Over-tuning your guitar (tuning the guitar excessively or screwing with the tuning keys excessively weakens the strings)

Your average guitarbarian is a stubborn, preppy jerk who believes that they can pick up a guitar/bass and weave gold with it instantly, because Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa, and Eric Clapton could. Either that, or a total slob who treats his/her guitar/bass like a two-dollar 'ho. Otherwise, anyone can be a guitarbarian. Guitarbarians are frowned upon greatly in the music world, and are usually ostracized in ultra-obsessive music cliques, maybe even beaten or killed.

Joe is a total guitarbarian! Me and Eric went to his place for a jam session, and we found out that he had been using his guitar a a fucking dinnertable! There was Buffalo sauce all over the damned thing!

There should be a Social Services for guitars, where they go from door to door stabbing guitarbarians and giving guitar lovers rewards.

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terrorism

N. Terrorism is literally unstoppable. Now that that's been cleared up, terrorism is an idea spreas through a network of guerillas and sleeper cells. The idea is to use excessive violence and shock and awe tactics to get your way, hence the name "terrorism." Although terrorism is highly frowned upon by Americans and most of the "free world," it seems to be the most effective means of attack, in that since it's carried out through an authoritative idea rather than an authoritative figure, nobody can really end it or really combat it. As long as humanity can speak and communicate their ideas freely, terrorism and the idea of terrorism cannot be stopped.

First, why would we go to Iraq to stop terrorism. We had no allies, too few soldiers, and no clear reason. Even before Saddam Hussein was "president," Iraq was a better country. We bomb the crap out of it for no reason now. We've destroyed more of Iraq than Saddam. Second, how the hell do you stop an idea? We're catching smoke with a fucking net.

There are only two terrorist in this world:
Osama bin Laden and George W. Bush.

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deity links

Religious slang, usually used by Agnostics or Buddhists. "Deity links" is usually used when somebody of another religion or a subsection of one's religion acts rude to another person of a different religious affiliation. "Deity links" implies that our religions and the deities we worship are all one entity, linked together by empathy and love preached by all true religions. If somebody gets in your face about religion, simply say "deity links, brother."

Christian: You stupid Buddhist! You don't have a real religion, so you must be stupid, especially because you're not Christian!

Buddhist: Deity links, brother. Deity links.

*Christian walks away*

*Buddhist smiles*

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Five-Five-Fiving

Verb -- Freaking out or tripping on drugs, usually psychadelic mushrooms or hallucenogens.. Inspired by the song "Five-Five-Five," by Frank Zappa. The instrumentals tend to inspire people to take drugs. Once in a state of inebriation, the maddening guitar riffs of "Five-Five-Five" make Phish look like O'Dweeds compared to the wicked buzz you cop from Frank's Fiver. Which is ironic, because Frank Zappa was very much against drugs.

Also simply referred to as Fiving, rolling with Frank's bunch, or 2F.

"Yeah, man, I was totally Five-Five-Fiving it last night with Frank's bunch. Had like, fifty mushrooms and some beer, man. It was like getting a year's worth of pussy in four minutes. Uh... what was I talkin' about, man?"

"No way! You were 2F without me, man!? Dude, I so hate you now! Just kididng, brah."

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AIDS

A disease which started in "bathhouses" in San Francisco (although the first recorded (although unofficial) case occurred in a nunnery in England, presumably transferred to her through blood contact, rather than sexual contact), amongst the homosexual community. The disease started most likely through some seminal mutation or a strange mutant strain of a blood disease, presumably leukemia. It began after homosexuals began to have unprotected sex in said bathhouses, to the point at which it was said "you can enter that bathhouse right now, drop your pants, get serviced, and get out in less than three minutes." It was originally believed that the gays were the only people who could contract AIDS, so the California Bathhouses were all closed temporarily as more and more gay men and lesbian women became infected with AIDS. Although the deaths became rather rampant in a short time, the press refused to post any news of AIDS for weeks, merely because the story involved homosexuals. Roughly six months into the bathhouse closing fiasco, several straight women were reported to have contracted AIDS, and the bathhouses were reopened. Safe-sex became a large thing amongst gays and straight folk, as it was the only way to combat AIDS, considering the fact that AIDS could not be cured. Many people to this very day still believe that only wearing a condom will protect one from AIDS, but a study revealed that because several Americans had NOT USED CONDOMS PROPERLY, or had used FAULTY or DAMAGED CONDOMS, the disease was still prevalent. Be sure to ask your lover if she has been tested, if she has had many partners in the past, and make sure to always wear a condom.

Although AIDS cannot be spread through oral sex, many other venereal diseases can, e.g. herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and Chlamydia. AIDS invades the body's blood stream and slowly kills off all phages and T-Cells protecting us from diseases. AIDS cannot kill you, but the lack of an immune system can, leaving you vulnerable to many everyday viroids and bacteria we are drenched in every day. The death is usually slow and painful, and very, very slow.

Although AIDS is incurable, a miraculous occurrence took place in England. A 25-year-old gay man, a Mr. Stimpson, had learned that he had contracted AIDS from his lover. Thinking he had nothing left to lose, Stimpson and his lover were reported to have had wild, unprotected sex many times before he was diagnosed again. He went back to his clinic for a check-up, and it was found that he no longer had AIDS! Both tests were, indeed, correct, meaning that Mr. Stimpson had effectively recovered from AIDS. This has never happened anywhere else.

Although they have different names, HIV and AIDS are the same thing. HIV is merely the name of the AIDS virus. The disease one contracts from HIV is called AIDS.

Dave Chappelle once said that AIDS was introduced to kill black people. Many NCAA members are still debating this with former Nazi scientists in order to resolve this conflict. Yes, the blacks now where Joseph Mengelev and Adolph Hitler are. No, we won't turn them over. Tough (This entire paragraph is a lie).

Joey: Yo, I heard Jack got AIDS.
Mark: Yeah. That man was a sex machine. Did you see how many girlfriends he had?
Joey: Well, AIDS can be contracted by both straight and gay people, so I guess it was inevitable with how much pussy that guy got.
Mark: I got AIDS from a bad blood transfusion.
Joey: Oh. Damn.
Mark: Well, it's not contagious. Except through blood, breast milk, and semen.
Joey: That's good. I was getting afraid.
Mark: Oh. Well, I'll see ya. I'ma go hang myself.
Joey: You go do that.

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