zolly

Used in movies, a zolly is where you dolly a shot in the reverse direction and same speed of a zoom, creating the illusion in such movies as Vertigo when Jimmy Stewart looks down the staircase, Jaws when Roy Sheider sees a shark out in the ocean, and even The Mask when Jim Carey first sees Cameron Diaz... it's also being used in every goddamn student film ever made because the kids like to throw in shit that they can do, regardless of whether or not it has any contribution to the plot/symbolism/emotion of characters in their piece. YOU STUPID KIDS.

Wow, nice zolly shot... oh look, another one!... and another one!...wow this really draws the emotion out of your suicide piece.

28👍 11👎

NSFND

Not Safe for North Dakota, who decided a fertilized egg has the same rights as a human. Thus an image of an egg being impregnated by sperm would be NSFND since it is, in their eyes, the same as a woman getting raped by many men.

Science: And here, in your health books, you can see that this little guy who has less brain cells than a fly, is impregnating the egg. Mind you, trillions upon trillions of these sperm are killed every time a man masturbates, and same goes for the unfertilized eggs, which are not living things. Hell you kill smarter things when you eat meat or step on bugs.
North Dakotan: HEY I CAN'T VIEW THIS! IT'S NSFND! AWW GEEZE, MIDGE!

11👍 9👎

badumCHI

An onomatopoeia, badumchi is the sound of a quick drum riff, two snare beats followed by a cymbal clash, usually played after a joke has been told.

The "CHI" of badumCHI is written in caps to represent the respectively loud cymbal compared to the two beats of the snare preceding it.

Comedian: Diarrhea runs in my family.

BadumCHI

17👍 9👎

jolly

In film, a jolly is a type of shot that involves using a jib and a dolly at the same time. So the camera is traveling vertically and horizontally in any given direction.

Let's use a jolly shot to come down from the clouds, then into and through the buildings of the city.

29👍 22👎

failblog

Either you love it, or you hate it.

If you love it, congrats.

If you hate it, it's because you liked it before it was cool, and now it's really annoying to see the world catch up with what you thought was funny many months ago. Like seeing Napoleon Dynamite or Invader Zim, thinking it's hilarious, then seeing it capitalized to the point that you're so fucking sick of it you forgot why it was funny in the first place.

It's an annoying thing to hate. Because really you should be patting yourself on the back for knowing what's funny. You could be a fucking producer knowing what the world will love. But no, you can't kill that hardwiring. We will continue to hate failblog, and those who keep using "FAIL" as a meme, for they are stabbing the wounded.

Shmuck: Hey, you see that sign on failblog?
Internet-savvy man: Ten months ago. Old shit, man. Let's focus on new information to process and fuck your failblog.

125👍 38👎

holitarian

Someone who isn't religious, but takes all the religious Holidays off.

I take Channukah and Christmas off 'cause I'm Holitarian, baby. NNNNGGGH. Did you hear that noise? That's the sound of TIME OFF. NNNNGGGH! YEAH IT SOUNDS SO SWEET.

7👍 21👎

Student Film

9/10 times, a student film involves:
- Zombies
- The homeless
- Suicide or Death in a dramatic light
- A short story they didn't write
- Alarm clocks
- The stalest of actors
- Needless exploitation of available resources (slow motion, racking focus for no reason, fancy credit titles)
- Poser pablum
- Blunt and painful symbolism
- An epic tale constrained to 5 minutes
- Copyrighted music used without permission, probably Radiohead or Sigur Ros
- Terrible sound or terrible shots (usually sound, rarely both)

9/10 times, a student piece sucks balls.

The 10th time, the time that it doesn't suck balls, it's probably a comedy.

Did you see that student film about the kid with a literal crutch, but his crutch was also his mother? And when he told her how she's his CRUTCH he threw his crutch on the ground and walked off? Deep man... DEEP.

34👍 7👎