“Call Google”

What a dumbass says

Worker: sir, our servers have been hacked and google can’t pull up the page
Inept IT Manager: Well, I think we need to “Call Google”.

IWICHYT

It’s Latin for: I Wish I Could Hug You Today 😥

IWICHYT. I Love You so much.

Lox and Hegels

It’s a sandwich

Give me a shmear of dialectical materialism on my Lox and Hegels

Barflette

Small amounts of barf that you can’t hold in. Also the name of a French girl who can’t hold her barf.

Oui Oui je suis barflette. (Barfs)

medi-can't

procedures that fall under the category of "not medically necessary"

So, sir, about vision in your other eye...we just medi-can't because it's still attached to the socket. Please feel free to call us when it pops out. Here's a ping-pong ball and a pack of gum, just in case

Apocalypsinc

Lip-syncing to covers of songs by Death Metal bands

My favorite apocalypsinc is “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Karkass.

The Power Punim

a face - usually angelic and innocent looking with bright, consuming eyes, resembling a Pre-Raphaelite cherub - that gets continuously gets away with murder; a face that hides a scheming, deviant attitude

My son just peed all over the couch and then threw his dirty underwear in my face. I tried to get mad, but I was overtaken by The Power Punim. FML