bella

The metric unit of female beauty, abbreviated bl.

Supersedes the imperial helen (qv).

Expressed on a decimal scale from 0.00 (utterly repulsive and cock-crinkling) to 1.00 (the Platonic ideal of female beauty).

After the Italian word for beautiful (qv).

"Wow, Bella, you are so amazingly hot. I'd have to rate you at .98 bl"

"How come I don't score 1.00 bl when the damn system is named after me?"

"Because you've just woken up, there's mascara in your ear, your hair looks like a practical joke and there's a pillowcase stuck to your chin. Still adorable though."

"Fair enough. Now run me a bath of ass's milk and fetch costly breakfast items."

76👍 37👎

hamparts

Cognate with hampacket (qv), but can refer to either male or female genitalia.

"Rock out with your cock out!"

"Actually I would rather wave my hamparts from the ramparts."

13👍 1👎

helen

The helen (abbreviated hn) is the imperial unit of measurement for female beauty, now superseded by the metric bella

Pulchritude is expressed as a fraction of 1000, denoting the number of ships that could be launched by the beauty of a given woman.

This system was originated by Christopher Marlowe in 'Doctor Faustus'.

"Maxim readers voted Olivia Wilde as the hottest woman in the world - therefore by definition she is rated at 1000 helen"

938👍 429👎

smooth-hound

(1) A cad, rogue or bounder. A highly-functioning, charismatic sociopath who has a purely instrumental view of others. Treats women like objects and vice versa.

(2) A medium-sized shark in the genus Mustelae.

(1) "You cheated on your Cambridge finals, sold crack to your aunt, gave the hiv and the herp to many student nurses, and later became the chairman of an investment bank. What kind of man are you, for God's sake?"

"I'm a smooth-hound. That's how we roll."

(2) "The smooth-hound is a very ordinary shark; its name is the most interesting thing about it. Smooth-hound."