Grotch

A gross or unsavoury crotch.

...Casey was now face to face with a real grotch, and it became apparent to him that Shaun hadn't showered in nearly a year.

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commuterection

An unintentional, likely undesired erection caused by the wide range of vibrations encountered while riding public transportation.

Due to the questionable state of the train tracks between stations Chabanel and Parc, Jeremy received a raging commuterection and was forced to hold an umbrella in front of his crotch.