office putter

it's good to be the office putter if you can get to that level, he's the guy that only comes out of the bag, that steps in once the project is 99% complete and the work is all done ... so he can step in for the easy tap in and be seen as the one to bring it home, finish the deal, get all the praise and credit

Jackson: Once again Miller plays the office putter and gets all the recognition.
Murphy: Yeah, this will probably get him his 3rd promotion in 2 years.

office shaman

like any great shaman, the office shaman is the guy with the vision ...but that's all he has to offer..the vision. the end result of what he wants and so desires. 75% of the time, his vision is pure genious, the other 25% of the time it's a wreck, but for that batting avg, everyone respects him. The problem with the shaman, like I said is they offer no path, no solution on how to achieve their vision which creates angst among his followers. The shaman is the one who coined the office phrase "figure it out", from which the other office phrase "WTF" orginated from. The office placebo's ultimate goal is to become a shaman, but it will never happen, cause like I said the office placebo is a complete fraud, does nothing and certainly could not come up with a vision.

Jackson: Wow, that was unbelievable ... I'm so charged up and excited as well as completely dumbfounded at the same time.
Murphy: I know, everytime I listen to Stefan, the office shaman, I feel the same way. The man is genius, but how the hell are we going to reduce expenses by 40% next month without doing away with our bagel friday's that everyone lives for.

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office remora

the worker who will typically affiliate themselves with somone in power, sometimes the remora may even has assistant or associate in their own title, but not always. The remora never has any original ideas or points of view, and never initiates a conversation ...but once something has been sparked, one their has been a target and an initial death blow delivered by the "heavy", the office remora is 99% of the time the first person to jump in and attack/feed if you will off the strike

Jackson: I hate Drake, he such a remora, did you see the way he beat Jeff down after Miller drew first blood.
Murphy: I know, he's the head office remora.

Office Kermit

this is the office muppet; leaders throughout the organization will try and surround themselves with kermits, people they can influence, pull their strings, play them at times, have them do whatever and whenever they want. The great leaders will strategically have kermits throughout the company in different cross-functional groups so they can rally them, pull them to take complete control. Some kermits are true losers, born that way and will always be losers, others unfortunately find themselves in this role, and often don't realize it until it's too loate ... they were probably promoted into it, possibly given a title, and may even be well paid, or overpaid ...only to serve as a kermit. Saavy leaders will seek out office 7 irons in the company to serve as their future kermits.

Jackson: Did you hear what happend to Lars?
Murphy: No what's up?
Jackson: He's been recruited by Miller?
Murphy: Ooh? To do what?
Jackson: Well after hearing how Lars backed Millers ridiculous idea in the advertising meeting, I'm guessing he is the new office kermit.

office 7 iron

this is a great guy to have on your team, the trust 7 iron, the guy can tackle almost any task, make almost any decision, handle any situation .. in other words be played from anywhere

Jackson: How are we ever going to get this stuff done by Tuesday?
Murphy: What about Ray helping us out?
Jackson: Ray works in audit, how's he going to help?
Murphy: Ray's the office 7 iron, he's worked in 6 departments in the last 2 years.

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Office Placebo

The worker that has everyone fooled, the fraud of the workstaff, appearing to be very hard worker when in fact doesn't really do anything

Dana : Tom was working so late last night, he send me a work email at 11:30pm.
Murphy: Dana, you're so naive, Tom's the office placebo ... he sent that from that club while dancing with the ladies.

Hit-and-Run Question

Another technique used by office placebos, when in for a long presentation, the placebo early on, say in the first 5 minutes drop the initial hit-and-run question, which leads everyone (boss/presenter) to believe he's engaged ... this quick hit allows him to run, slip out, disengage for at least the next 30-45 minutes

Jackson : Boy Adam, I hope my hit-and-run question worked, I really need to slip out of the presentation ... I've got lunch plans with Sophi.
Murphy : Don't worry Jackson, I'm pretty sure it did... didn't you see how Miller took notice, he loves when someone from his team speaks up.

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