Period Piece

A historical drama, synonymous with history's misogynistic and chauvinistic tendencies, that you end up watching with your woman during her period.

Dude 1: What'd you do this weekend?
Dude 2: Oh, just relaxed, watched some period pieces with the wife.
Dude 1: Oh...O-OH you poor bastard she's on the rag, I get it!
Dude 2: Yeah. Can I hang at your place and get right watching things that don't suck?

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liver board

An auto-erotic accessory composed of a liver (preferably still warm from the recently-euthanized livestock) affixed (nailed, stapled) to a wooden plank with a hole carved into it. A makeshift orifice is sliced through the liver, and a "hillbilly" copulates with the organ. The board provides a rigid frame for satisfactory penetration and withdrawal.

Risks include social stigma, tetanus, splinters, crotch rot, and inclusion in the subject matter of a mind-scarring podcast (see Uncle Deercamp).

Ed: Wow...you slept with that fugly cum dumpster?
Bill: Yeah, well, it was better than jack-pounding a liver board.
Ed: Are you sure about that?

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