juggalo

Let me start off by saying that I have been listening to ICP for many years, probably much longer that any other person on here. I picked up their "Beverly Kills" CD back sometime in late 1993, not having a clue as to who they are. Back then, "juggalos" didn't even really exist. I got into the whole Juggalo phase around 95, until about 99 or so, when they came out with "jeckel brothers". I bought a few t-shirts, lighters, hats, and other merchandise. I had all their CDs. I called myself a "juggalo". But then, guess what? I grew up!

Juggalos back then were different than the "juggalos" of today. Back then, we were just a bunch of people who liked ICP and got together at concerts for a good time. Now, it has transformed into this whole serious following. Kids are buying up the merchandise like candy, using the ICP lingo, and taking it completely seriously. The juggalo scene now is most closely comparable to the goth scene. They claim to be "non-conformist" and "different", yet they all dress the same, talk the same, and have lost all identity. Ask a Juggalo for a universally accepted definition of the word "juggalo". They can't give you one, just like goths. And they don't realize that psychopathic records has turned into a big money-making juggernaut. Just look at their website. T-shirts for 25-70 dollars, hockey jerseys, jackets, hats, thongs, etc. How many different "Riddlebox" designs can they come up with? They keep re-designing and pumping out the same shit. Its all about money now. The juggalos are making them into millionaires, and they are loving it!

And whats with that fucking 6th joker card? Announcing that they are a religious group? That was the lamest thing I have ever heard. And the juggalos of today, once again, blindly follow whatever ICP says. It has all just become so serious. Its just music, people! There is no need to get obsessed, and make your life revolve around psychopathic records. The honest truth is, they dont give a flying fuck about you. What they give a fuck about is one thing, and thats money. They are driven by profits. Nomatter what they tell you, no matter what they do, and nomatter what they would like to have you believe. If you don't believe me, ask yourself this: when is the last time they did anything for you for free (sampler CDs don't count)? Why do they charge such a ridiculous amount of money for merchandise? Because they know you will pay it, that's why. Why do they try to cram said merchandise down your throat? Because they know you will buy anything that says "ICP" on it, thats why.

Do I still listen to ICP? Absolutely. The Calm is a good CD. So is Hell's Pit. Do I wear ICP merchandise? Sometimes. Do I walk around, decked out in all psychopathic gear, calling people ninjas, and preach the ways of the dark carnival like a new-school juggalo faggot? NO! Get your head outta your asses.

Juggalo: Yo NINJA! Im gonna go to shangri-la and get mad neden. MCL dawg.

Me: Grow the fuck up kid.

Juggalo: U just a juggahater! U aint no juggalo! Fuck u!

Me: Oh yea? Well, in the words of your own great leader, Violent J, "I wrote the book, I was out robbin' liquor stores, where u were just a nutstain in ur mama's drawers", bitchboy!

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Dark Carnival

Well, in reality, the "Dark Carnival" can refer to several things (besides what you came here to read about, which I will get to). "Dark Carnival" is a collection of short stories by Ray Bradbury, published in 1947. "Dark Carnival" is also a novel written by Keith Ferrario, a band headed by Niagara and Ron Asheton, a song by Vanessa Carlton from the 2003 video game Spy Hunter 2, a Deathlands novel, and finally, the setting of a concept album series by Insane Clown Posse.

So what is the Dark Carnival, as presented by ICP? A warped, nonsensical, sellout off-shoot of the Christian religion. Violent-J claims that he was "visited" by the Dark Carnival back in 1992, which in turn led to the 6 Joker Card albums. Each album would contain secret hints and "messages" from the Dark Carnival, with the 6th revealing the secret of what the Carnival really is. The joker's cards were littered with what seemed to be unique stories of people getting "judged" after death, with the "Dark Carnival" being something like a uniting force for Juggalos, or even a place you go when you die. Now being a complete atheist, I don't believe in any of that nonsense, but I thought it was cool and original.

Then, somewhere along the line, ICP "found Jesus", and became "Intimate Christ Posse". The clowns not only revealed that the "Dark Carnival" is a metaphor for "god" (most likely the Christian God), they went back and turned their lyrics inside out in a deceitful attempt to fool people into believing that this is what they were talking about all along! Anyone who actually believes this is a complete sheep. Just go back, listen to their old lyrics, and every time you hear them mention the words "Dark Carnival", substitute it with the word "god", and see if it still makes sense. I honestly believe that ICP, not actually knowing what the "Dark Carnival" should be, and with the 6th Joker's card fast approaching, had to figure out SOMETHING. Therefore, they did the most unoriginal, low-brow thing they could think of... they sold out to religion... Christianity to be exact.

If ICP did in fact know all along what the "Dark Carnival" was "god", and knowingly deceived their fans, then, by doing so, they mislead, cheated, and swindled thousands of them out of their money, who might not have been such huge fans to begin with if they hadn't been lied to. If ICP came up with the 'Dark Carnival = god' concept later on somewhere along the line, which is obviously the case, they not only cheated their fans out of their time and money, but they also sold them out. And then, to top it all off, they chant "we're not sorry that we tricked you" to their duped listeners at the end of the album. Great way to indoctrinate someone into your "religion". Too bad being duped into following something doesn't constitute true belief. Anyone who accepts this new "religion" known as "Juggalo" is a complete sheep, just like the followers of any other religion on planet earth. If you think about it, "Juggalo" is just as ridiculous as Christianity, Islam, and the ancient Greek gods. It seems ICP realized their huge mistake after album sales plummeted. Shangri-La is THE worst album by ICP ever made. Is it any wonder that the 6th joker's card was re-released and remixed by Mike Clark?

Just a few examples:

Original lyrics (The Neden Game):
"He's a psychopathic deranged crack-head freak, who works for the Dark Carnival"

Translation (The Neden Game):
"He's a psychopathic deranged crack-head freak, who works for god" Hahahaha.

Original lyrics (Pass Me By):
"I'm dead and I made it to the Carnival. I walked in, it's everything I dreamed of, everybody and their mama got clown love" (This is implying that the carnival is a place, not a deity)

Translation:
"I'm dead and I made it to god."

Original lyrics (Take Me Away):
"Welcome to the Dark Carnival."

Translation:
"Welcome to god."

And I could go ON and ON...

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african-american

1) A politically correct term coined by cowardly white Americans who are afraid of offending blacks and are ashamed of being white.

2) A term that makes no sense, since 'African-American' implies that someone was born in Africa and immigrated to America. Therefore, since most blacks in America were born there, they would more correctly be called 'Blacks with African Ancestry'. Having been born in America, these blacks are simply 'Americans'.

3) A term which implies that all black people come from Africa (and that only black people come from Africa), even though black people come from many other parts of the world.

4) A term which singles out black people living in America from black people living elsewhere.

5) A term that even most black people find ridiculous.

1) White man 1: Look at that cool shirt that black guy is wearing.

White man 2: SHHHHH! He's not black! He's African-American! Don't be racist!

White man 1: Huh? How is that racist?

2) Most blacks referred to as 'African-Americans' have never been to, and will never be in Africa.

3) Would a person from Egypt be called African-American? Egypt is in Africa. How about a white person from South Africa?

4) Black people from France, Canada, England, Jamaica, Switzerland, Brazil, or even from Africa are 'black', but a black man from America is an 'African-American'.

5) The only black people I have ever heard referring to other blacks as 'African-Americans' were politicians, and even those are few and far between.

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intelligent design

A (not so) clever attempt by American (yes, intelligent design is a product of, and is limited almost exclusively to the United States) Christian fundamentalists at re-packaging creation "science", and trying to sneak it into public schools by making it appear (at least to their desperate selves) as strict science. They call it the "Theory" of Intelligent Design, and call themselves Intelligent Design "Theorists" (or IDers).

This so-called "theory" is hard to define, since intelligent design "theorists" are very careful to keep their definitions as vague as possible, as to avoid getting thrown out of classrooms over and over again (like they have been). Here is a little run-down of some of intelligent designs' incoherent claims:

- They offer nothing more than the mere hypothesis that the universe was created by "a creator" (who him/her/itself had no creator). Who is this creator? "Duhhhh..... we don't know."

- When did this "creator" create the universe? "Duhhh...We don't know." or "We don't do there". Could be 10,000 years old or billions. They don't say. This is where the young-earth creationists get into fights with the old-earth ones.

- HOW did this creator create the universe? "Duhhhh.... we don't know." Brilliant.

- Love to claim that Evolution is "JUST A THEORY" (more on that later)

- Launch a variety of attacks on evolution, and believe that by pointing out "errors" in the evolutionary theory, it must mean GOD DID IT by DEFAULT.

- Misinterpret and misunderstand science and try to use that as proof of God's existence. Make sense? (Yeah. Doesn't to me either).

- Claim that the Grand Canyon was carved out in a few days by "The Great Flood", and that all of the Earth's geographic features were carved out by said flood. (For more on this nonsense, look-up "Flood Geology")

- Claim the fossil record is either: animals who died in the "great flood", a hoax by scientists to trick the public at large, or a hoax by the devil to trick people into believing in evolution.

- Man and dinosaurs walked the earth together (the Flintstones was accurate after-all!).

And much, much, MUCH more incoherent BABBLE.

Here are a few things intelligent design "theorists" are forgetting:

- The universe began expanding about 14 billion years ago, and has been expanding ever since. Everything can be traced back to a common point. The Big Bang Theory was first proposed in 1927 by a Belgian Priest after observing the red shift in distant nebulas by astronomers to a model of the universe based on relativity. Years later, Edwin Hubble found experimental evidence to help justify this theory.

- The Earth is about 4.5 billion years old (AMPLE time for evolution, contrary to what IDers are claiming).

- The grand canyon is made up largely of shale and granite, which could not under any circumstances have been cut in a "few days" by a "great flood".

- There is an innumerable amount of transitional species in the fossil record to support evolution, along with genetic evidence.

- The word "theory", like many other words in the English language (and any other language) has MORE THAN ONE MEANING (SURPRISE). In a scientific context, it means a group of propositions for explanation for a class of phenomena. "Gravitational Theory", "Einstein's Theory of Relativity", "Germ Theory". The word theory doesn't mean "guess". The "Theory of Evolution" explains HOW evolution happens, not WHETHER it does.

Of course, to anybody willing to see the scientific evidence that completely discredits ID and Creation "science" as pure pseudo-scientific religious garbage, it is obvious. So if the scientific evidence is so clear, why don't IDers see it? Because they DON'T WANT TO. Fortunately, almost everyone world-wide can see the facts, including most middle-eastern countries. However, there is a small minority of Christian fundamentalists in America who want to wipe out science and implement Biblical Law. They don't care about science. Science is just the "wedge issue". They want to destroy it. Their true agenda can be seen by reading "The Wedge Strategy" (google it). This short document, which was leaked onto the internet, clearly details their true agenda, and it ISN'T scientific knowledge. And to all you creationists and IDers out there, YOU WILL NEVER WIN.

"We have concluded that (intelligent design) is not science, and moreover that (intelligent design) cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents."
- Judge John Jones, Harrisburg, PA, December 20, 2005. The judge also stated:

"It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy."

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Underage Drinking

1. Something that is punishable only in the U.S.

2. Something that 18, 19, and 20 year olds can be charged with in the U.S. due to their fascist drinking laws.

3. Something they don't allow 18, 19, and 20 year old American soldiers to do before they come home from Iraq in pieces with only an American flag handed to their family for comfort.

(in the U.S.) You are a month away from your 21st birthday and are drinking a beer! Thats underage drinking!

(everywhere else) Hahahaha look at that stupid drunk 15 year old!

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Juggalo/Juggalette

(note: in this definition, when I refer to "all", I don't literally mean "each and every one". Don't be fucking stupid)

1. Extremely loyal followers of the Insane Clown Posse, and psychopathic records artists in general, almost to the point of worship.

2. Claim to be different, unique, and non-conformist, yet they dress exactly the same, talk exactly the same (ICP slang that nobody else in the world uses, yet they use it when speaking to everyone), and act mostly the same. Non-conformist? No.

3. Claim to be "hated", "outcasts", and things of that nature. Every time they have a gathering, they leave garbage everywhere, trash the place, and assault people 10 on 1. And then, they wonder why people hate them. Otherwise, in reality, nobody really gives enough of a shit to hate them, but they are calling more and more negative attention to themselves.

4. Shooting-sprees, hatchet murder, killing, mass murder, necrophilia are all acceptable by juggalo standards, but don't you dare be racist or a bigot!

5. Claim that "you don't have to like ICP, or even psychopathic records to be a juggalo". This statement, in and of itself, is absolutely moronic. Since ICP coined the term "juggalo" to refer to their fans, I doubt that die-hard Shania Twain fans are going to be calling themselves juggalos anytime soon.

6. Claim to "not give a fuck", but get extremely offended at anyone who thinks that ICP is bad, and anyone who dares to challenge their juggalo ways.

7. Claim that "haters" don't know what they are talking about, and that they "don't understand". I have been listening to ICP since 1993, longer than most of these "juggalos", and I would never refer to myself as one of them.

8. Blindly buy into the money-making juggernaut that is Psychopathic records, who sell overpriced t-shirts, hats, lighters, underwear, balloons, and just about anything else that says ICP on it, while J and 2 Dope sit back, laugh, and become millionaires.

9. Refer to other juggalos, complete strangers, mind you, as "family". If liking the same kind of music as others makes you family, well shit, I must have a lot of goddamn family!

Juggalo/Juggalette: Yo yo yo MCL MCL ninja we be headin to shangri-la cuz im down wit da clown lets get some neden, bitchboy! oh yea MMFWCL wicked clowns!

Normal person: What the fuck are you talking about?? Speak in a language that everyone understands.

Juggalo/Juggalette: But but, I thoughtz all ninjas used ICP slang!

Normal person: Get your head outta your ass. Immediately!

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alcoholism

A vague, ambiguous term referring to people who have lost control over their drinking, and is therefore having a negative impact on their life, such as work, relationships, or health. Somewhere along the line, for the sake of political correctness and to completely liberate people from responsibility for their own actions, Alcoholics Anonymous and other such groups started referring to alcoholism as a "disease". They claim that you CAN'T bring your drinking under control, you have to SURRENDER TO A HIGHER POWER, and you have to STOP DRINKING FOREVER, because you have a DISEASE, and are not responsible for your actions, but are in fact a VICTIM.

Calling alcoholism a disease is not only false and harmful, it is also offensive. Cancer is a disease. AIDS is a disease. Lyme disease is a disease. Alcoholism is an addiction, and addictions are a pattern of behavior, NOT a disease. Alcoholism can LEAD to disease, such as cirrhosis of the liver, but isn't itself a disease. You CHOOSE to drink. You don't choose to get AIDS or Cancer.

By calling it a disease, you are throwing your hands up, and saying "I can't help it! I have a disease! I'm a VICTIM." By saying "Damn, I drink way too much. I'm the one putting the drinks into my body, and only I alone can cut down or stop", you are empowering yourself to take control of your life. The power to stop is in YOU, not an imaginary "higher power".

"I know I don't need this next drink, but I can't help it! I have a disease! The disease of alcoholism! I'm gonna have several more drinks, because it's not my fault!"

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