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Used to describe the behaviour of a guy that is heterosexual but for some reason, is acting gayer than a sailor in hotpants. Sometimes this is down to an unfortunate, yet entertaining personality trait. Other times it's totally random. Some fine examples of this behaviour are seen in guys that check themselves out in shop windows, guys that snatch up a copy of "Heat" and stare at the front page in clear disbelief, guys that say "Oh. My. GOD!!!", and guys that wave with all their fingers waggling like incy wincy spider.
-"Did you see that BeyoncΓΒ© lost 12 pounds on a maple syrup diet? It's right here, look at this copy of Heat! Oh. My. GOD!!"
-"Dude, you're on the wrong side! We're here to buy porn!"
~ "Look at John, waving like a teenage harlot. He's on the wrong side today, that's for sure"
18π 4π
1)Moisturiser for men is Boysturiser. There's nothing wrong with a bit of moisturiser, but these products earn the term "boysturiser" because of their aggressive packaging. All coloured in various shades of "gun" with a bright trim, as if to say "This is a serious product, it's dangerous. But not so dangerous that it will burn your face off.It's safe to use. But ONLY by Real Men". Males who are concerned about looking "gay" for caring about their skin will purchase boysturiser. Men who don't give a damn how people perceive them will either use their partners moisturiser, buy a supermarket own brand, or buy whichever one was closest to them on the shelf at the time. As far as today's men are concerned, there are those who moisturise, and those who boysturise.
2) Men claim to women that they've "heard" that semen is good for the skin, in an attempt to have them readily agree to a dose to the face. They say it jokingly, but ever hopefully that the woman will say, "Really?? Because I've tried everything to get rid of this dry skin, but not that. Come on then, I want it all over" Because of this ridiculous male perpetrated myth, guys across the world are still self advertising the marvellous properties of their own "boysturiser". With a handy dispenser! Just stroke, rub and aim to achieve desired results! Satisfaction guaranteed! (note- satisfaction guarantee applies to dispensing party only.)
1) "Greg's just gone and spent ΓΒ£30 on boysturiser, when he could have got the same stuff from Asda for ΓΒ£10."
2) "I thought that the date was going well until he mentioned he had something to help my dry skin problem"
"Oh no, did he offer his boysturiser?"
"He sure did. And went home alone, presumably to boysturise his own right hand"
31π 5π
1) David Dickinson, and Tim Wonnacott- those dicks from the TV show, Bargain Hunt. The fact that they are the king twats of daytime television, and that they presents a show called Bargain Hunt earns them each the title "Bargain Cunt"
2) A cheap hooker- probably all the cheaper because she has syphillis.
1) "Urgh, change the channel to Fern and Phillip, those Bargain Cunts make me angry with their ridiculous "fun frame" glasses"
2) "So the GUM clinic called and said I have herpes. I knew I shouldn't have settled for Bargain Cunt"
42π 13π
What precum should be called. When giving a blowjob, and not wishing to swallow the jizz, take the slight increase in pre- ejaculate to be a salty warning. Not only does it stop you from coming across like a terrified amatuer, it also means the guy is less likely to hold your head and foil your escape.
"Did you spit after sucking off Craig? Cos jizz tastes like the sea, it's awful"
"Didn't need to. I just paid attention to the salty warning and let him spunk on my face"
13π 2π
There comes a point in an argument where your opponent runs out of logical material to use against you, yet refuses to conceed. This is the moment you enter Crazy Time. Men will recognise it as the part where women start yelling, through furious tears, about things that happened years previously, and putting a whole new spin on them, then telling the man exactly what he meant by what he said. Except it's rarely anything anyone would ever mean, or even think. Women will know it's Crazy Time when men start saying things like "I'm ending this argument right now!" and then continue bellowing about how it cannot be allowed to go on, and arguing over why it needs to be finished. Men can never finish an argument. They can only halt it "for now". The very same argument will be referenced and recommenced during the next period of Crazy Time.
Jennifer started to cry and shout at the same time, virtually incomprehensible wails about how last year, Doug HAD given her a funny look when she said hello to her ex, and that he had basically called her a whore when he commented on how nice it was that they were on speaking terms after all these years. It wasn't what he said, you understand, it was what he MEANT that made all the difference, and THAT is how Doug knew that they were in Crazy Time, yet again.
8π 3π
1) The fierce, unspoken competition between men to each prove themselves to be the alpha male of the group.
2) A competition between friends to see how quickly they can get someone in bed.
Greg and John are neck and neck in their sack race, as Greg has bagged himself identical twin girlfriends, equalling John's threesome with 2 glamour models.
7π 4π
The process by which a normal situation is made into a more homosexual one.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
guy- "We're not going to the Red Lion, that's Rory's local. Last time we went in there, he had us giving him advice on jeans, remember? This is gonna be a good night, as long as we don't let anyone gay it up"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
30π 6π