cream cheese

The solution to all computer related problems. All computers are terrified of cream cheese, particularly of having it smothered over their hard drive or around the keyboard. Faced with any problem, the wise computer user will simply reach for their handy container of cream cheese and hold it infront of the screen (where the computer can see it) in a threatening gesture. Terrified, the disobedient computer will quickly cut the crap and start working properly again.

Mischevious Computer: " Error 508D80AN937; the program has performed an illegal operation and needs to shut down." (Translation: Fuck off human, no mere mortal can control me! Muahahaha)

Computer User: "Aaaahhhh! Damnit! Not again! You fucking computer, you've messed with me for the last time! That's it, I'm getting the cream cheese!"

Mischevious Computer: "... ..." *emits sweat

Computer User: "Oh, think you're tough do ya? Take this!" *raises clump of cream cheese in hand

*Computer beeps loudly in a frightened high pitch tone and begins working properly

73👍 33👎

xirgin

One who has not had sexual intercourse, but has still done other sexual acts with a partner (i.e. oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, etc.)

Only genital stimulation performed by/for a partner qualifies one as a xirgin (i.e. not masturbation, kissing, groping, etc.)

"She hasn't been fucked but she's given head."

"So she's a virgin?"

"No, she's a xirgin."